Your Mama

How many of us had a Mother's Day that was any different, chore wise, than any other day? If you did, hit me up with a comment with your husband's name. I'm stealing him from you.

Being a single mama with a child who isn't Chore Savvy means well...that I still cleaned the litter box, guinea pig cage and the fallout from my ghetto portable washing machine that was hooked up to the sink where it shook so hard that it knocked over and tipped upside down a tank of hermit crabs that were nearby.

I only saw two hermit's since. The families of the other two have been notified.

Well here's what else I can tell you.

This:

Does not work.

This is a banana dipped into chocolate almond milk and left to chemically compose itself into a new and unappealing kind of smell (APPEAL - GET IT? Banana joke!).

The cup has been burned.

We spent a good portion of our weekend at the park or at Borders skinny dipping in a large caffeinated pool with whipped cream floats.

Yesterday morning we frequented O'Neils again. It was pretty darn good. Even after I'd pulled aside out of the eggs a tiny broccoli piece and a tiny corner of bacon. And spit out a bite gently into a napkin so as not to alert onlookers to my aversion to eating a green potato. It was almost a Where's Waldo smorgasboard all in two scrambled eggs! Who needs crayons when you can entertain the kids with this one. Humanling casually asked me in all curiosity, "Did we order broccoli, bacon or a green potato?"

Not in so many words we didn't.

The entertainment was fabulous. Here is Humanling (in her special superhero disguise) oblivious to the larger boys behind her who are pummeling a third, much smaller boy.

Today however, we went to the park where I could sit with my array of enthusiam. What would I read first???

I decided to finish Save Me From Myself by the guy from Korn, Brian "Head" Welch. He left Korn eons ago to follow Jesus. Very cool book and really, the guy is not a literary headspinner, but I haven't read a book that caused me to tell a friend who wanted to visit "No, I want to chill with a book" in a while.

We also have a Science Of Mind magazine, a Rachel Ray magazine (I had to get my own subscription - my mother clings to each issue of hers like she gave birth to it), a newsletter from our local healthfood store, my bargain yoga book to help me do moves to soothe my back and therefore my sanity, and last but not least, a book about growing up as a child in New York City.

Funny that book should be around. There was a couple on the grass behind me and the guy said to his wife, "What would you think about moving to New York City?" I hadn't exposed the book to them at all at this point. I'm pretty sure it went over like the lead balloon since I couldn't hear her voice at all. Then he asked again, "Well, what do you think?"

"Are you kidding?" is what she said.

So then I took off all my clothes and ran back and forth yodeling with the cover of the book towards them. Not really but I did put the book within view to see if it was a 'sign' for them to see it. Who knows. I love signs. Was I messing with fate? My answer is no. God put me there so maybe I was supposed to hear that and happened to have that book on me.

Glancing over at the Merry Go Round, I saw children, including mine, starting to colonize in hopes of someone pushing them. And then daddy pushed them. I'm not sure who's, but it was a dad for sure. This guy's problem was that he stood too close to this apparatus and then got suckered into pushing.

That's why I sit way over here.

AND this photo is zoomed. Objects in mirror are closer, indeed. And if you note the little guy to the left in red, lying down....

He horizontally made his way to the ground. Poor little guy. Now that the dad is touching him, he owns him. I'm not sure who this kid came with but for sure, he and his pedigree papers were leaving with this Florence Nightengale Male.

And here is where my parental skillz come to a culmination. Humanling is celebrating Mother's Day with a new family as she ditches me and my portable library and CNN camera that observes without lending assitance to the little boy getting beat up by the Hooligans earlier, or the merry go round that flings off little horizontal bodies.

But now is my favorite part of the day. The ghetto dishwasher is wheeled over and hooked up to the sink while Humanling sleeps and I happily write away, forgetting that I still have to answer a couple of emails before climbing into bed with one of those books that I will read a paragraph of before passing out.

Happy Mama's Day!