None Before, None After
"Are you trying to get me drunk?"
you shyly say
as you self-consciously
consume your meal
Across from me, the deja-vu
memory of loving heaven;
as it was right before
my unmemorable forceped entrance
into my mother's world
Behind you, lies a wry, narrow stairway
bursting with passionate hues
we must have accidentally
passed through
I have You and my martini
standing over the As of Yet
uncrossed ledge of perfection, peering
with exhiliration and anticipation of
the fall
We leave for the subway
Now less than two, melting
the water is starting to fizz
with rhythmic chains of bubbles
Many rides, many lives and petals
of alternate Accident or Intent
roar past, leaving us squinting
at someone's dirty path to Harlem
Pointing, we leave another layer of prints
on the plexiglass;
The information desperate yet unable
to convey from it's foggy wall
the drunken laughter leads me to look
into pools of brown
where no shadow exists
The sidewalk above boils down;
erasing all prior effort of evolution
while my forefinger still presses it's memory
onto 110th Street
I am being poisoned
as your breath forces
it's carbon dioxide into my lungs
At this moment, a standard has
high hopes dusted upon a brand new
swaddling cloth
We are now mitosis in reverse
We were never two;
Or you and me
and are gelling backwards
to the perfection of
the potential in the perfect One;
Alone, as God created
This is how I know kow God's face;
and the inspiration of
Bees and dandelions
that burst from my veins
This is how I know I can wander
senselessly in Harlem at dusk
without harm
And plunk smiles into
the empty cups of those sitting aginst buildings
and sleep little after a drunk night
yet looking refreshingly splashed
in the dew
I have now inhaled the land
where elderly women do not find
kissing to be vulgar
I discovered that we have all
written the cliche out of a moment
where your finger slides distractedly
from 110th to West 33rd
and when you, my brilliant lover
ask to play a game
we will erase any
piece of history that contradicts
our legend
Its not that I find this piece particularly brilliant. I wrote it about eight years ago while pining for someone that I had hurt years earlier. Obsessed you say? Well....why not. It becomes stalking when I start saying ominous things about how only I can make him happy and pull out my three folder portfolio detailing how.
"Are you trying to get me drunk?"
you shyly say
as you self-consciously
consume your meal
Across from me, the deja-vu
memory of loving heaven;
as it was right before
my unmemorable forceped entrance
into my mother's world
Behind you, lies a wry, narrow stairway
bursting with passionate hues
we must have accidentally
passed through
I have You and my martini
standing over the As of Yet
uncrossed ledge of perfection, peering
with exhiliration and anticipation of
the fall
We leave for the subway
Now less than two, melting
the water is starting to fizz
with rhythmic chains of bubbles
Many rides, many lives and petals
of alternate Accident or Intent
roar past, leaving us squinting
at someone's dirty path to Harlem
Pointing, we leave another layer of prints
on the plexiglass;
The information desperate yet unable
to convey from it's foggy wall
the drunken laughter leads me to look
into pools of brown
where no shadow exists
The sidewalk above boils down;
erasing all prior effort of evolution
while my forefinger still presses it's memory
onto 110th Street
I am being poisoned
as your breath forces
it's carbon dioxide into my lungs
At this moment, a standard has
high hopes dusted upon a brand new
swaddling cloth
We are now mitosis in reverse
We were never two;
Or you and me
and are gelling backwards
to the perfection of
the potential in the perfect One;
Alone, as God created
This is how I know kow God's face;
and the inspiration of
Bees and dandelions
that burst from my veins
This is how I know I can wander
senselessly in Harlem at dusk
without harm
And plunk smiles into
the empty cups of those sitting aginst buildings
and sleep little after a drunk night
yet looking refreshingly splashed
in the dew
I have now inhaled the land
where elderly women do not find
kissing to be vulgar
I discovered that we have all
written the cliche out of a moment
where your finger slides distractedly
from 110th to West 33rd
and when you, my brilliant lover
ask to play a game
we will erase any
piece of history that contradicts
our legend
Its not that I find this piece particularly brilliant. I wrote it about eight years ago while pining for someone that I had hurt years earlier. Obsessed you say? Well....why not. It becomes stalking when I start saying ominous things about how only I can make him happy and pull out my three folder portfolio detailing how.
These first days in May hold the anniversary of the best time I ever had falling in love. Does it count that we both had significant others? Shady, indeed! No one was married, and as all guilty parties will address - it wasn't intentional, it just kind of happened, like accidentally putting an old phallic toy that your ex husband used to have fun with in the dresser that he will be picking up soon. Or the Tyra Banks quote about wishing acne on someone's butt. Too much info? Sorry, damn non-erasable font.
I took advantage of someone's seriousness about emotions and promises and never warned him that if the kite suddenly changes direction, I might disappear. But that follows with something else that he used to tell me....Know Thyself. I thought he was just being an annoying Virgo at the time. Yeah yeah, Know Thyself blah blah blah aren't you philosophical now shhhh. Turns out that I didn't know myself back then like I thought I did. I had yet to invest in a solid set of morals other than not contributing to the slaughter of animals (According to statistics, I have free Willied on 88 cows a year since 1992) I look back at myself like you would watch some sloppy drunk girl at closing time trying to find someone to go home with. How can she not know how disrespectful she is being to herself? Well Tah-dah. It would have been sorta ok if it was just me but I hurt another person and didn't realize the seriousness of the shot until years later.
He even let me come back years later, after a marriage that I left him for and with a small child. He is a rare gem. He opened armed us both. If I drove through Burger King tonight to order it up my way, I would be 99% describing him.
He gave me a couple more chances to hurt him, which I seemingly took great pains to do while joyriding with extra large snow tires right over his heart.
Oh Boo Hoo. I sound like such a biotch. Well, it pays right? If I had held onto such a lovely as himself, I couldn't have launched myself straight into the mess that was my last marriage (although it was years later) and needlessly spent so much money on lawyer fees, huge home bills and little things that the ex thought was great to purchase since we had two incomes and then leave me with as he went home to suckle off his mommy and daddy.
In all honesty, it was the last series of relationships with the young dudes that forced me to really Know Thyself. I decided years ago that I would never hurt someone again, at least on that level. A thumbtack under the butt never killed anyone though. I promised myself and God that I would remain honest - even if it wasn't what the other person was looking to hear. I will not be a party to needless pain anymore.
I accept the spit up that the last baby man got all over me, knowing that karma does come around. I'm not much of a martyr (although the outfit looks pretty good on me) but I accept that I have gotten my due. He nearly play by played me on the major joints of the script that I used to do wrong on the Virgo. I saw it play out and I'm glad to have seen it by this age and not way later. I may still someday find just that right click of chemistry, where everything is eternally in the wonder of bloom.
I just make myself sound better and better with these posts. I am so going to be swatting the boys away with this one.
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