Play that Funky Parade Music, White Boy

Our tiny and adorable small town that revolves around its downtown area knows when to say when. Yeah, Memorial Day is next weekend but we got the jump on and had our parade already. We know that the next zip code over had burst out of its Town pants years ago and is now wearing City sizes. Their parade is next weekend and comes equipped with jets flying overhead.

But one common denominator for a stadium variety parade or one with a two lawnchair seating audience is this:

EVIL

I'm sorry but I hate this borrowed rolling shopping cart full of envirnomental waste. That's right people. I AM a party. You should see me on Christmas morning. The only people who enjoy buying this stuff for their kids are the ones buying it for the wee one who has never had the parade experience before. And you can't hide from them.

They will find you. They will cover both sides of the street, so dont try to move your butt to the opposite curb. Just wait for your child to accept the tiny free flag that is passed out. Then let them know that by accepting said flag, they are bound to the unwritten contract which states that this little token cloth fulfills the *got something at the parade* requirement.

One thing that Humanling knows, and that's How to get a man. We also carry our decoy, the Gameboy. I know its not new technology, but neither is porn, and somehow, people still seem to enjoy that. Humanling merely pulls out the Gameboy and its like perfume to allure boys. Inevitably one pops around and hangs out over her shoulder in hopes to play a round. Which after I give her the verbal elbow her a couple of times, she usually concedes.

Humanling does not like loud noises. She is known to be the one in school who needs the Fire Alarm agenda ahead of time for the whole school year, in order to brace herself. She basically folded herself inward into thirds when the firetrucks came blasting through, all manly and showing off all the various MOVE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD sounds.

And unfortunately fellas, your true purpose in life was revealed during this event. A porpoise balloon (bought from the Evil Shopping Cart) couldn't stay a float. It was tied to a wagon. Wifey pulled the wagon, while porpoise kept diving and then dragging on the ground. To which hubby, over and over again had to delve inwards to release his super hero prowess with this manuever - hand lightly under belly of foil balloon porpoise:

Okay, I'm sorry, the camera was off and by the time I got it on, shut off the flash, etc, he scooted on down the road, further away from me!

That's it kids. I'll do my best to leave the camera home for the BEEEEEG One this coming weekend. And remember - if we all just got along, there'd be no Memorial Day. I personally like that day off of work so I'm gonna go trip someone.