I just saw a rejected fruit fly. Poor dude. He was hanging around my bourbon glass. The NY Times did an article last year on the winged lads who had to go home alone to their corn silk dolls soothing their troubles with alcohol. Bummer. That means I have a not desirable specimen in my drink.
My co-host and her man slept over last night! I was a gentleman and let them have the air mattress. I slept in the recliner chair. They were wonderful Same Room Sleeping buddies! No weird noises, if he made any inclination to snore, it was more like a wind chime. They were adorable. Only I got up in the middle of the night (as I do, many many many times to detect what "that noise" was) and walked into the bathroom to check on the Teen. Only it was my buddy...doing the right thing and washing her hands at Something a.m.
When I did finally get up, they were spooning. It was adorable. And left me with that empty within, empty without type of goodness. So after they left, I worked for a bit, doing what needed to be done and then took the rest of the day off. Flip and I were on civil terms today, sending emails back and forth, careful to say nothing bulletworthy. Eventually he said something silly like "too bad the last week was what it was because today is a perfect day for a nooner".
He can't dangle that in front of me because suddenly I am that cartoon character that turns into either the panting, begging pup up on hind legs, or the giant Lollipop.
I responded letting him know that if he's offering, I most certainly can try not to be desperate for his affection and wait at least 10 minutes before leaving the house. I didn't say that though. But I did give a green light. He retracted. "It'd be nice though". He wants the whole deal...the commitment, the getting along, all the stuff the original model was supposed to be. I anted up that I emailed him first this morning AND that I didn't bring up Whoopie, I brought up going out to lunch.
Eventually I just called him and said "I'm coming over. And I'm hanging up now."
Good stuff, good stuff. Only he sort of took a bow and sober arrow to my afterglow. I am glad that he has found something (albeit by force) that is giving him more food for thought in life. More peace (I think. I've seen plenty o'psycho as shit moments during this inception of AA, so I can't vouch for this 100% yet). And I want to know how he's doing and what he's up to, what he thinks. But lately it's all AA stuff. Like 20 minutes worth of stories and anecdotes and discussion and maybe a camping trip with the "group". This is his thing and I am trying to adjust from him thinking they were a bunch of Koreshians (not Kardashians FYI) to being in 4 + meetings per week and enjoying them. By the way, if you Google David Koresh, they also think you may like to try out the Jim Jones, Timothy McVeigh and Charles Manson variety crazies as well.
So we're on the nice nice train again. I'm pretty terrified of it. Anything nice that I say will be used against me later if I am unhappy with something. But I admit, when things suck, I can be a runner. I just want to GTFO of wherever the smell of hell is seeping in.
But today I found in my Cherokee Feast of Days V2 book for June 11th's entry..."Gentleness is good to recall when someone close to us does something wrong. Why wound when we can heal? Love does not tell us we are stupid but that we made a mistake and we're standing together until it passes. Security comes from knowing love like this. And if the bonding is weak the first time - try it again."
Mmm Mmmm Mmmmh!!! So perhaps the runner thing....is that terrible to protect oneself? I think in times of abusive behavior it's important to uncover those shoes of endurance to peel the eff outta there. But finding the fine lines....that's tricky.
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