I'm having a wonderful Blue Moon beer and wishing that the promised thunderstorms did not stand me up.
I'm having an Eh night. It was a good night but when my mood is good, I can go above average and kiss manic. I did stop on the way home to see Flip for about 20 minutes and chit chat while he boiled eggs on the stove. He commented on my temporary Tallness. I have yummy shoes.
We canoodled lightly and I left. I expressed some feelings about stuff that sits in my Not Cool With folder and tried to leave it on an even note...which seemed to work. He also said he'd call when he got back from AA. I was under the impression that meant he'd invite me to see him for a little. Silliness! Nooo! He can handle saying no...he's better at that than I. I'm only good at it when I'm seeing red. Earlier I had mentioned seeing him and he replied that he had to hit up a meeting. So I chalked it up to a bummer and he replied that the meeting ends at 8pm, and that it's not too late. This sounded rather green lightish to me so I prettied up by 7:45 and waited. Eventually an email came through but said nothing about a visit. So I called. He said it was "kinda late". I was "kinda mad". I figure if we were going to make anything out of trying to have a relationship that we have to make room for visiting somewhere between AA dalliances or else we may as well be on Match.com and exchange emails and phone calls.
All this after playing Carly Simon's version of "You Belong to Me" and territorial pissing on him with homemade Banana Bread on my way to work yesterday morning.
Ah well. Maybe I'm too much of a romantic sometimes. Maybe I am too willing to forget and clean the slate with a scouring bulldozer. It didn't work out well and I got the 3rd version of a story that I've already heard but now the details were different. Whether he left them out to begin with or just forgot them or really consciously changed things, I don't know. Shit changed and I don't have an explanation that makes my hair relax.
So F Bomb it....I'm having my 2nd Blue Moon and after seeking out some Thich Nat Hahn tonight to calm myself down a bit, am feeling much better. Not better enough to have another sane conversation turned around on me like I'm swimming in the villain hat but doing ok.
The whole thing makes me wonder all types of seriously on what exactly I am seeking here. What is being brought to the table for me? It's not all about me...it shouldn't be all about anyone. But I allow things to be about other people. I'm a peacekeeper. I'm one of those kids who was brought up in a violent home and would clean up the house at 2am to try and make things better after the parental blow ups. So confrontation is not something that I really want.
I think I'll start a club instead. "Parents for Oooo Baby Baby, Ooo Baby". That's how we roll when we drop our kids off to school at 7:30am. All blowin' up the Usher in the parking lot, going 2 mph over those speed bumps. The teen has a great introduction to Dangerous with that hard core combo of speed bump and an Usher un-neutering himself.
The other day I was pretty weepy. There's an adorable chef in our cafeteria who is really young and reminds me of my Grandbaby Daddy. Or as I like to think of him, my SIL. However, my daughter is not currently with him. So Chef comes in with a huge ass black eye. My first reaction was to dote. Because of course to me this dude is really my SIL, incarnate. And he is hurt. When I walked away after asking him what happened, I thought I would cry that this poor kid had quite the shiner. Then I realized how nicely the purple brought out the blue in his eyes.
I'm going to finish this beer, turn off the bad shows and go read while the Golden Girls are on. Cheers!
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