Talk Just Under What Monsters Can Hear

"I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.” ― Galway Kinnell

Today my Humanling asked to be brought to the waterfall, fifteen minutes into the woods.  At first I thought to myself about how much I *didn't* feel like doing anything.  And then I thought, sheesh.  She's not asking for a shopping trip or for me to spend money.  She's asking to be brought to do something that kids should be doing more of.  

I'm rather proud of how she can walk through now the way that I've trained her.  We were walking through the woods one day and she was talking loudly.  I don't care that it's outside and you're using your outside voice.  The woods have a whole different setting for Outside Voice.  I've taught her to use her The Man is Going to Kill Us if he Hears Us Voice.  We speak so that we can hear each other...not so the dude from the horror movie can find us because of a decibel Fail.

The people who got there right before us were using their Hockey Game voice.  Four people over the age of 40 something, with three dogs.  Yelling like the dude in the Hopper commercial.  We purposely chose a longer and more sweat inducing path in order to avoid catching up to these slow, loud beings.  We could still hear them from the path that we'd taken.  But no matter. We got to our little falls and got comfortable.  And then they showed up.  Two dogs first.  Then a non smiling human and a dog.  Then a worried looking lady calling to an obviously unneutered dog who obviously didn't want to "hear" her.  The other two Bulls kept their distance and within moments, like bubbles, they all disappeared.  

We had a lovely time.  I took photos, sat with my feet in the water talking to my mate for a little bit on the phone and then wrote up my New Moon list for tomorrow night.

On the way back, I saw movement in the hollow of a tree.  Curiosity hoped to find a chipmunk or something equally as cute.  Instead it was the biggest fucking spider that I'd ever seen just out in the wild.  Fighting the creeps, I backed up and hoped to zoom into the hole with my camera and get a photo that I would look at Some Other Time.  As soon as I took the photo, I bolted at least 25 feet past the tree, wildly begging my daughter to see if there were any spiders on me.  Especially a spider with a saddle on it. 

Turns out there was a shy spider who'd gone to get her gun while I was being a voyeur.  No spider in these photos.  Which even though I was at home and looking at them on the computer at this point, I still needed to do a body check to be sure it stayed in the woods.

It's a sultry Sunday night.  I'm listening to a beautiful rendition of Echoes, waiting for the honey to come over soon.  One thing that I love are those moments that go out of the ordinary.  Like when he walks in and stops for a moment and says "You look beautiful".  Ok, for any dude reading this, that never gets old. Ever.  

We took some photos last night that we think are pretty damn funny, but will not be putting them up.  We're doing a re-take tonight.  Here's hoping they come out as awesome as we think the concept is.  I won't blow our cover with what they are just yet.

Tonight he'll be bringing over a fresh bottle of bourbon.  We'll maybe put Fear and Loathing on in the background, take photos, drink, go primitive and just enjoy indulging in this Cancer moon influence.  It's the supremely simple things that make up a day and then a life.  

Is This Ride Making My Hair Wild?

“Life is easy to chronicle, but bewildering to practice.” 
― E.M. Forster, A Room With A View

Helena Bonham Carter graced us with her very 1986'd presence last night in Room with a View.  I'll be damned if we watched even a minute of it though.  Thankfully, I have done some track time with the book, which I adored.  The movie may have been a little sleepy for our energy last night. 

I'm going to try and write this post without feel guilty.  Guilty for not being outside because its a summer day. Guilty for my 14 year old having actually....gulp....entertain herself while I write!!  Guilty for using the air conditioner and guilty for almost being out of vodka, although I'm not currently drinking any.  I'll have you know that I just finished my afternoon coffee.  

Last night we rode the astrological weather and came out like a Boss.  There is some crazy ass cleaning house being done leading up to new beginnings this week.  Hey, speaking of New Beginnings...I love this song....(see above).

My good pal Saturn is going direct on July 8th. I'd high five Saturn but all of its rings got in the way... tee hee...SNORT!   Get it? Rings...on a hand...too many....pffffffff....

The lessons we learned from last November are supposed to be playing out with this aspect.  Huh.  Well, for me that was any lesson from Flip.  Oppression.  Crazy making.  Staying with someone too long for the wrong reasons.  Letting someone help make me who I don't want to be and no one being happy in the process.  For me it was about starting over....as me.  As whoever it is that I am, so long as I am authentically me in the process.  

Going forth, whatever it is we are choosing right now, we're going to ride through to March, building our new life.  I'm not quite sure what my canvas consists of but there it is.  And I'm going to make the absolute fucking best of it there is.  Because what else is there except for now?  Why not enjoy the moments you have with those around you (unless of course you're going to say, Hey, what if Flip was around you?  Just, No.)

I'm immensely curious to see what is to bloom.  It could be a dream come to fruition (I've got that going on)...it could be something to do with this unique dance with the man in my life.  Because regardless of the outcome, there is a lot to derive from this reunion.  It's like eating cake discreetly made from vegetables and cream cheese.  You're having fun while getting something you need.  

This morning we headed out for breakfast.  The seating arrangement had me placed in front of a giant unhappy looking rooster.  I looked at my mate.  "You love the fact that there's a giant cock hanging over my head, don't you?"   

We talked about the many facets of travel.  How to travel, where to go, how was it when I was in a relationship and left for three weeks?  The incredible views.  The moments you want to get off the train for just a moment at each stop to photograph your feet on different ground.  Drinking wine while talking to strangers and watching the landscape pass by.  The power of the dessert. How Colorado was below 30 degrees and just hours later I was sweating in New Mexico.  

I asked him, "How do you feel about planes?".  He seemed pretty whatever on the plane topic.  Unaffected.  

Awesome.

Then how would you make me calm down if we had to get on one? And if we're getting on one in this fantasy, we are going to France. Provence actually.  Where all I will eat is cheese, bread and fruit.  How will you keep me from freaking out on the way?  

He was planless, but not for lack of wanting to be.  He'd play it by the moment.  

Good.  

But we're going anywhere, if anywhere at all, by train.

With a room.  

That sounds great to me.  I'm going to hop on a ring before this thing takes off. 

I Hath No Desire to Send You Down the River

"Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained; and the restrainer or Reason usurps its place & governs the willing." ~ William Blake

I read this quote today in The Yoga of Eating (Charles Eisenstein) and it linked a thought reality with my soul.  Love it.  I am a person who follows desire, passion and when absolutely need be, caution.  My passionate side has a teensy little pin of caution on its lapel, just to once in awhile look down at it and see if the light is yellow or red.  Lately, I'm not bothering to even look.

Humanling and I went for a nice walk through the woods to our local waterfall so that we could sit and read while keeping our feet in the water.  I killed at least three bugs with my left eye.  It would have been less of a tragedy if the bugs didn't startle me and cause a reaction that slammed my eyes suddenly shut.  

I sat on a rock in the middle of the flowing water, enjoying the scent of wet earth and summer air.  A tiny light colored bug landed on me.  I took it off gently.  Eventually he won my attention away from my book as I watched and photographed him.  He appeared to be looking at me but how can you possibly identify what those beady little button eyes are looking at?  He did this side to side movement, like teensy lunges.  Eventually I moved him off my potato chip bag...you can't be all over my baggie like that.  I don't know you, where you've been, what you eat and might regurgitate all over my stuff so here comes the moving company.   I thought I got him to a good spot but somehow he ended up falling into the rushing water and I watched him float away on his back down the next tiny set of falls.  

Ok so I'm not impressed with the fact that I sent him into possible death.  I'm hoping he's light enough to withstand the ride and then fly off into happiness.  He might be blogging about it this very minute!

And yes, I do think about these things.

I kept turning around to retrace the moment as if I could drag the arrow back to the beginning and re-do it.  

Then my man called to see how things were going. The falls were so loud that I thought he said "Burger King" in his salutations.  I'm sorry to say that was not the case.  

One thing we've always done easily was talk.  We spend every single night together (with a couple of exceptions) and yet, there is always talk, with a number of stomach clenching guffaws thrown in.  The kind where you can't look at the other person for fear of dying by a lack of breathing. 

Today we revisited the topic of biorhythms playing a role in the possibility of the randomness of same events occurring on the same day of the week on a continual basis.  My new friend that I destroyed down the falls and made a couple of non-relationship-even-though-we're-in-a-relationship jokes.  

Being in the present is good right now.  It seems to be the way forward into the next moment.