Is This Ride Making My Hair Wild?

“Life is easy to chronicle, but bewildering to practice.” 
― E.M. Forster, A Room With A View

Helena Bonham Carter graced us with her very 1986'd presence last night in Room with a View.  I'll be damned if we watched even a minute of it though.  Thankfully, I have done some track time with the book, which I adored.  The movie may have been a little sleepy for our energy last night. 

I'm going to try and write this post without feel guilty.  Guilty for not being outside because its a summer day. Guilty for my 14 year old having actually....gulp....entertain herself while I write!!  Guilty for using the air conditioner and guilty for almost being out of vodka, although I'm not currently drinking any.  I'll have you know that I just finished my afternoon coffee.  

Last night we rode the astrological weather and came out like a Boss.  There is some crazy ass cleaning house being done leading up to new beginnings this week.  Hey, speaking of New Beginnings...I love this song....(see above).

My good pal Saturn is going direct on July 8th. I'd high five Saturn but all of its rings got in the way... tee hee...SNORT!   Get it? Rings...on a hand...too many....pffffffff....

The lessons we learned from last November are supposed to be playing out with this aspect.  Huh.  Well, for me that was any lesson from Flip.  Oppression.  Crazy making.  Staying with someone too long for the wrong reasons.  Letting someone help make me who I don't want to be and no one being happy in the process.  For me it was about starting over....as me.  As whoever it is that I am, so long as I am authentically me in the process.  

Going forth, whatever it is we are choosing right now, we're going to ride through to March, building our new life.  I'm not quite sure what my canvas consists of but there it is.  And I'm going to make the absolute fucking best of it there is.  Because what else is there except for now?  Why not enjoy the moments you have with those around you (unless of course you're going to say, Hey, what if Flip was around you?  Just, No.)

I'm immensely curious to see what is to bloom.  It could be a dream come to fruition (I've got that going on)...it could be something to do with this unique dance with the man in my life.  Because regardless of the outcome, there is a lot to derive from this reunion.  It's like eating cake discreetly made from vegetables and cream cheese.  You're having fun while getting something you need.  

This morning we headed out for breakfast.  The seating arrangement had me placed in front of a giant unhappy looking rooster.  I looked at my mate.  "You love the fact that there's a giant cock hanging over my head, don't you?"   

We talked about the many facets of travel.  How to travel, where to go, how was it when I was in a relationship and left for three weeks?  The incredible views.  The moments you want to get off the train for just a moment at each stop to photograph your feet on different ground.  Drinking wine while talking to strangers and watching the landscape pass by.  The power of the dessert. How Colorado was below 30 degrees and just hours later I was sweating in New Mexico.  

I asked him, "How do you feel about planes?".  He seemed pretty whatever on the plane topic.  Unaffected.  

Awesome.

Then how would you make me calm down if we had to get on one? And if we're getting on one in this fantasy, we are going to France. Provence actually.  Where all I will eat is cheese, bread and fruit.  How will you keep me from freaking out on the way?  

He was planless, but not for lack of wanting to be.  He'd play it by the moment.  

Good.  

But we're going anywhere, if anywhere at all, by train.

With a room.  

That sounds great to me.  I'm going to hop on a ring before this thing takes off. 

Sunday, Monday, 30 Happy Days!

I've decided to give myself a challenge. I love a good challenge. Which is probably why I've been in most of the romantic relationships that I've been a part of. (The timeline for 'romantic' by the way, could be six days shy of a week to umpteen years).

I've been going through a transitional period during the last 38 years or so. Especially the last 6 months. I've decided that in order to quit waiting for Something to pass or happen, I'm just going to be that happy and completely healthy person that people want to throw a tomato at - right NOW. I realize that it's going to take time for my mind to completely submerge into my self induced brainwash. I'm going to test the waters like an alcoholic - one day at a time, only in a contract for 30 days. If I like it, I can purchase the rest of the nine piece set at the low price of only 19.95.

I don't need wallpaper. I have stacks of books that cover the stacks of books that cover the walls. I have pulled a lot of inspiration from these books, from magazines, from various cheesy Quote of the Day emails (I love sending those to one of my friends so that she can send them back all twisted up with black and blues). I'm doing so much reading that I'm stuffing my proverbial chipmunk cheeks with all this great information for.....later. Later when? Later, why? What good am I doing for other people by not being my best me NOW? It can only benefit my 9 year old Humanling, my friends, my strangers, my one night stands, my bitch slapping sessions, if I am practicing LOVE as much as possible.

I've been called 'nice'. People can hardly believe I'm a Scorpio through casual contact that doesn't involve me plotting cold revenge on them for all their days straight into the old age home. Ah, good times.

It's time to transcend Hippie and go Holy Ghost on the world. This means me having to do the following :

~Not panicking over minor body blips - a 'weird' here or a tiny pain there. On the flip side, that also means taking good care of myself and ...

~no pm cup of coffee. Especially day after day. If one is needed, that is fine, but only in special circumstances. Like being kept up the night before because of lots of booze and sex.

~I don't drink often. So that's not going on the list. And..I'm Irish.

~Must eat one originally green and not moldy green vegetable daily.

~Going for the five daily servings of veggies. At least during the week. Weekends exist for coffee, hot chocolate & bagels.

~Do not complain. Find a way to joyfully accept that Castile soap in the eye moment. This does not mean lay down and take it from a cactus. Take strides to move forward, but joyfully accept what is while metamorphisizing.

~Extend kindness to everyone. *Huge Ass Sigh*. Yes, everyone. When my ex husband (#1) calls me at work, I will need to listen to his broken record and speak nicely to him, offer him any advice/non physical consolence without gritting my teeth. After all, he is a person and my humanling cares about him very much. That also means when people swing by my desk to chat for a half hour while I screw up posting the company's money because I'm too farking *nice* to ask them to go away, that I need to find a balance. I need to extend my gratitude that this person wanted to swing by my desk at all and check me out for a bit, that they even thought about me enough to take time out of their day for me. It's AWESOME that people like me. And I want to make them feel good in return.

~DECIDE (not Deicide - I'm not complaining any longer so I will say that they are not my cuppa joe) that this is a great day!!! I feel great! And I have God to back me up. He loves when we help each other out and dole out the good vibes.

~Gratitude - Thank God numerous times through out the day. I am a real lucky person. I have a great job with enviable benefits, people who understand my circumstances and don't hold them against me. I don't have a degree. I am a single mama and keep a roof over our heads, we eat well, and we have a special life together. I have a beautiful daughter who is 20 who I adore and miss (she lives in another state with her fiancee). My blessings basket is insanely full, but there is always room for more.

~Keep junk food to a minimum (barring special occasions and weekends. And Days that end in Day).

~I've just added molasses to my regimen in the last month. I stick it in a chocolate sort of drink (usually chocolate almond milk) in the blender and suck it down before I can have a real moment to taste it. I've read some amazing things about molasses and this is part of my blossoming.

There are a few more things to add to the list - such as meditation practices, yoga, excercise, Sainthood, but I won't dramatize them.

Basically my role here is to have as close to Zero Tolerance of negativity as possible. My role is to lift people up. To choose peace and love over negative feelings and project that. Which will be interesting when Humanling does something that would normally turn my love-o-meter off and make me want to kick her like a cartoon into the silouhette-applicable wall.

All of this is to better the world when you come right down to it. If it betters my life and my energies, I will be putting those energies out for any of you to grab onto, in turn letting those happy molecules multiply like rabbits so you can pass them on too.

I'm going to start this off today, March 17th. I have a personal reason to start today too - its an anniversary of sorts and I'd like to celebrate this date with new beginnings.

I'm looking forward to submerging myself into all colors, textures and communications of life. Even if I have to stoop here and there to make life analogies by using Darth Vader for my Caveman Ex Husband #1.