Is This Ride Making My Hair Wild?

“Life is easy to chronicle, but bewildering to practice.” 
― E.M. Forster, A Room With A View

Helena Bonham Carter graced us with her very 1986'd presence last night in Room with a View.  I'll be damned if we watched even a minute of it though.  Thankfully, I have done some track time with the book, which I adored.  The movie may have been a little sleepy for our energy last night. 

I'm going to try and write this post without feel guilty.  Guilty for not being outside because its a summer day. Guilty for my 14 year old having actually....gulp....entertain herself while I write!!  Guilty for using the air conditioner and guilty for almost being out of vodka, although I'm not currently drinking any.  I'll have you know that I just finished my afternoon coffee.  

Last night we rode the astrological weather and came out like a Boss.  There is some crazy ass cleaning house being done leading up to new beginnings this week.  Hey, speaking of New Beginnings...I love this song....(see above).

My good pal Saturn is going direct on July 8th. I'd high five Saturn but all of its rings got in the way... tee hee...SNORT!   Get it? Rings...on a hand...too many....pffffffff....

The lessons we learned from last November are supposed to be playing out with this aspect.  Huh.  Well, for me that was any lesson from Flip.  Oppression.  Crazy making.  Staying with someone too long for the wrong reasons.  Letting someone help make me who I don't want to be and no one being happy in the process.  For me it was about starting over....as me.  As whoever it is that I am, so long as I am authentically me in the process.  

Going forth, whatever it is we are choosing right now, we're going to ride through to March, building our new life.  I'm not quite sure what my canvas consists of but there it is.  And I'm going to make the absolute fucking best of it there is.  Because what else is there except for now?  Why not enjoy the moments you have with those around you (unless of course you're going to say, Hey, what if Flip was around you?  Just, No.)

I'm immensely curious to see what is to bloom.  It could be a dream come to fruition (I've got that going on)...it could be something to do with this unique dance with the man in my life.  Because regardless of the outcome, there is a lot to derive from this reunion.  It's like eating cake discreetly made from vegetables and cream cheese.  You're having fun while getting something you need.  

This morning we headed out for breakfast.  The seating arrangement had me placed in front of a giant unhappy looking rooster.  I looked at my mate.  "You love the fact that there's a giant cock hanging over my head, don't you?"   

We talked about the many facets of travel.  How to travel, where to go, how was it when I was in a relationship and left for three weeks?  The incredible views.  The moments you want to get off the train for just a moment at each stop to photograph your feet on different ground.  Drinking wine while talking to strangers and watching the landscape pass by.  The power of the dessert. How Colorado was below 30 degrees and just hours later I was sweating in New Mexico.  

I asked him, "How do you feel about planes?".  He seemed pretty whatever on the plane topic.  Unaffected.  

Awesome.

Then how would you make me calm down if we had to get on one? And if we're getting on one in this fantasy, we are going to France. Provence actually.  Where all I will eat is cheese, bread and fruit.  How will you keep me from freaking out on the way?  

He was planless, but not for lack of wanting to be.  He'd play it by the moment.  

Good.  

But we're going anywhere, if anywhere at all, by train.

With a room.  

That sounds great to me.  I'm going to hop on a ring before this thing takes off. 

Is This Thing On...?

"You have been mine before - How long ago I may not know: But just when at that swallow's soar, your neck turned so, Some veil did fall, - I knew it all of yore."
   - Dante Gabriel Rossetti

It's a gorgeous, gray morning.  The AC is blaring and the cats have all found their quiet places for the time being.  Pretty soon it will be time to blog from the stoop, coffee fiercely protected from ants and other wingeds.

It's always tough to know how to re-start after a large gap in writing.  So you just Do.

There have been a couple of reasons why I haven't written anything for a bit.  I'll leave those reasons up for anyone's imagination for now.  But after speaking with a friend, decided that yeah, why hush up the premises.

I'm taking Humanling out for a teensy hike with the goal being to just sit in between water falls after choosing the right butt friendly rock to sit on, book in hand.  Edith Wharton's "Summer" will be accompanying me.  I'm not sure how much I'll read since the falls demand that I just listen.  Just sense.  When I've had a decent fill of that, I can be released for a few paragraphs.

Since I took the day off of work to spend on my challenging but delightful Humanling, I am bumming around braless, in boxers, coffee at my left, waiting for her to awaken.  I've come into my own with the Summer season.  It used to be the last one hired....how I despised hot weather.  Hot cars.  Blaring sunshine.  But now, I love the pace.  I'll totally handle the trade off that I get with the pace of Summer.  

I'm trolling around Facebook, enjoy the morning selections from Beatnik Online - adding the right offerings to my newly created July playlist on Soundcloud.  Currently I listening to The Midnight Eez - Childhood Memories.  If notes capture the Summer spirit, this song is full of them. I've boosted their stats this morning by hitting the play button at least 13 times.

There are a number of moments in life where things feel bigger than we are.  Things feel cosmically written.  Things that you think were left done in the past, tied up in a neat bow or with shredded twine, come back to let you know that your subconscious hasn't forgotten.  You may have been going about life, getting up and over situations, using your new scar tissue as bowling alley bumpers against life's small wounds.  You may declare that you are "so grateful" to have gone through the process.  That's what I did well after my 2nd marriage was over.  Soooooo glad!  I learned SO much! Yeah! Party with the Lessons Learned Bucket List!

Until your past creeps up on you after five years and for totally legit reasons, you are about to look in this person's eyes for the first time since the courtroom gavel that sounded your freedom.  

It's a confusing dance at first and nearly two months later, I can't say that it's any less confusing. But the confusion has settled into a nearby hotel while it figures out what the plan is, allowing for present comfort.  Life is full of strange surprises.  I never thought I'd be someone who would say "I'm dating my ex-husband".  But there it is.  And it was instantaneous - from the day we were again in each other's presence.  

Some other post may offer more detail than that.  For now it is enough to take in on a daily basis, that we get to enjoy all of the things that originally pulled us together seven years ago.  Before we knew the problems that would move in with us and that they would be much bigger than any idea of a solution that we could come up with.  

Now is different.  Not different as in me saying this is forever.  Different as in how we are now approaching each other.  We flow, we entice, we hunger and fulfill.  We know what the biggest hurdles are for now, but they lie dormant.  Sleeping, because we can keep them that way for now.  

And the best is that we have no plan.  One of the biggest themes emanating for us is Be-ing.  As a united energy, we Are.  And it brings amazing results moment to moment. Day after day.  We flow better than we ever have, partially attributing the good times to the phoenix of a foundation that we are on now.   

"The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgement." ~ Krishnamurti

And right now, it's a slow and sensual waltz between observation and leaving the heart open to all it can experience.