- Dante Gabriel Rossetti
It's a gorgeous, gray morning. The AC is blaring and the cats have all found their quiet places for the time being. Pretty soon it will be time to blog from the stoop, coffee fiercely protected from ants and other wingeds.
It's always tough to know how to re-start after a large gap in writing. So you just Do.
There have been a couple of reasons why I haven't written anything for a bit. I'll leave those reasons up for anyone's imagination for now. But after speaking with a friend, decided that yeah, why hush up the premises.
I'm taking Humanling out for a teensy hike with the goal being to just sit in between water falls after choosing the right butt friendly rock to sit on, book in hand. Edith Wharton's "Summer" will be accompanying me. I'm not sure how much I'll read since the falls demand that I just listen. Just sense. When I've had a decent fill of that, I can be released for a few paragraphs.
Since I took the day off of work to spend on my challenging but delightful Humanling, I am bumming around braless, in boxers, coffee at my left, waiting for her to awaken. I've come into my own with the Summer season. It used to be the last one hired....how I despised hot weather. Hot cars. Blaring sunshine. But now, I love the pace. I'll totally handle the trade off that I get with the pace of Summer.
I'm trolling around Facebook, enjoy the morning selections from Beatnik Online - adding the right offerings to my newly created July playlist on Soundcloud. Currently I listening to The Midnight Eez - Childhood Memories. If notes capture the Summer spirit, this song is full of them. I've boosted their stats this morning by hitting the play button at least 13 times.
There are a number of moments in life where things feel bigger than we are. Things feel cosmically written. Things that you think were left done in the past, tied up in a neat bow or with shredded twine, come back to let you know that your subconscious hasn't forgotten. You may have been going about life, getting up and over situations, using your new scar tissue as bowling alley bumpers against life's small wounds. You may declare that you are "so grateful" to have gone through the process. That's what I did well after my 2nd marriage was over. Soooooo glad! I learned SO much! Yeah! Party with the Lessons Learned Bucket List!
Until your past creeps up on you after five years and for totally legit reasons, you are about to look in this person's eyes for the first time since the courtroom gavel that sounded your freedom.
It's a confusing dance at first and nearly two months later, I can't say that it's any less confusing. But the confusion has settled into a nearby hotel while it figures out what the plan is, allowing for present comfort. Life is full of strange surprises. I never thought I'd be someone who would say "I'm dating my ex-husband". But there it is. And it was instantaneous - from the day we were again in each other's presence.
Some other post may offer more detail than that. For now it is enough to take in on a daily basis, that we get to enjoy all of the things that originally pulled us together seven years ago. Before we knew the problems that would move in with us and that they would be much bigger than any idea of a solution that we could come up with.
Now is different. Not different as in me saying this is forever. Different as in how we are now approaching each other. We flow, we entice, we hunger and fulfill. We know what the biggest hurdles are for now, but they lie dormant. Sleeping, because we can keep them that way for now.
And the best is that we have no plan. One of the biggest themes emanating for us is Be-ing. As a united energy, we Are. And it brings amazing results moment to moment. Day after day. We flow better than we ever have, partially attributing the good times to the phoenix of a foundation that we are on now.
"The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgement." ~ Krishnamurti
And right now, it's a slow and sensual waltz between observation and leaving the heart open to all it can experience.
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