Wind and Wooing

Some rain, a lens of gray and Pooh Bear. It's a blustery day here on the mountain. Or what a small city girl like me would call a seven minute drive up a hill. It's gorgeous out today, with the wind holding high court, the sparrows all hard core, still at the feeder that sways lightly.

This is my first day home without Humanling, as she is in school, and my Grádhán, who is at work right now. (Grádhán being Gaelic for Beloved).

Yesterday my honey and I had the day off together, our first real stretch of time alone for awhile. And we spent the day in as many luxuries as we could possibly cram into a work day! Although it's only September, we are regularly tending the fireplace now, as we surprisingly have been since late August. My mom claims the weather is going to be really warm the next few days, which would most likely make mon aimee very happy since he will want the car top down.

I on the other hand, really do enjoy slightly cooler weather. Step dog gets his walk from me at high noon as long as my blood is not boiling up against my pores. Otherwise he gets the "Hurry up and do your business" look until his daddy comes home and puts the sweat in.

Last night I felt the most amazing feeling of perfection. Mon aimee sat on the (not so) far end of the loveseat with his back against the arm. I sat opposite him, both of us, legs stretched out, surrounding each other. The fireplace was going close by, the wine was wonderful as he read his paper, and me, a book by Jim Fargiano, who will be my guest on the show this week.

I am still in awe as to how life can change and take you where you never even thought about going. Sometimes you just can't be afraid to take that ticket when its offered to you.

aMuse Me

This morning I heard a great number of birds squawking about. Upon glancing out of the window, I saw heaps and heaps of black starlings flying into our trees. It looked to be 100-200 of them. They hung out briefly until I opened the door to throw them a piece of bread. I immediately stopped throwing bits down when I realized that it was moldy.

*

I kissed my lover's mouth before going out for a walk in the chilly dusk. He tasted like a room with a cozy, warm fireplace.
*
I came back from my walk and let him know that should I die and someone shows up at my funeral to protest something or disrupt, I have a wish. My postmortem orders are to take the loudest, most disruptive person (should one show up) and throw him in the coffin, face down on top of me. Then slam the lid shut.

Let the person out after a few minutes of course. But maybe make them sweat it out a bit, maybe make them sing a few bars of my favorite Ella Fitzgerald song first or yell through the muffled wood what sign they are. They can get out a minute sooner if they know their moon and rising sign.
*
Honey is trying to close a window on his computer for a Root Mash recipe. He clicks a few times and eventually the sleepy computer catches up on it’s To Do list and shuts down all of his windows. He notes this and then says “Whatever” while getting up to finish making dinner. I said “You just Whatever’d your computer.” He stops for a moment and says “Yes I did.”

*
As I read a simple Buddhism for kids level book to my Humanling as she’s falling asleep, her fluffy white thing of a cat perches on the trunk next to the bed. The fluffy white thing loves my girl more than everything else and waits for her at night, sitting patiently upstairs, waiting for Humanling to finish Whatever It Is and go to the shared space of the bed. Or as we say, “Your ride is here.” The fluffy white thing sees that as I am reading the story, I am also an obstacle blocking the path to a united destiny of cat and human. Kitty looks at my how close Humanling is and then to see how wide the human river of me is that she has to cross.

When I left my mate for a couple of days due to our addiction to bad patterns in disagreements, he sent me an email, among many others, that burst the dam of emotion I was feeling. I stood at work, reading that the cat who hadn’t seen her human in 2 and a half days, had been crying desperately at 4am, looking for her. That finally, my mate, who loves animals but this one is the least favorite in the house. She is quite the long hair, which equates to puffs of hair floating about and the occasional old turd that got stuck in her backside, concealed by all the fur but that eventually found freedom among the floorboards.

He felt so bad for her crying that he called her to come sleep in the bed with the dog and himself. And finicky girl that she is, she actually climbed in.

Reading about Miss Kitty’s heartbreak added 2 more tons of heartbreak to my already broken heart of missing being home with my mate. I cried for the next couple of hours at my desk, crumpled Kleenex piling high in the trash bin.
And took half day and went back home to him.

*
We watched Michelle Bachman speak on one of those nightly MSNBC shows. There is something about her that COULD be so pretty. But when I look into her blue eyes I am really seeing evil skeletor.

*
During my walk tonight I noticed that I’d nearly caught up to a figure up ahead. Eventually she crossed into someone’s driveway, away from the house and into the woods. As far as I know, that direction doesn’t lead to anything that anyone would go to because then it opens into a huge, sprawling field. I would have looked at her some more as I was passing her but that would have been so shady.

For the rest of the night, she has been a mystery for me. A creepy, paranormal mystery.

Snow says No to Driving

Day 2 of 2010 and we have a wonderful array of snowflakes falling and a pleasant assortment of wing-ed ones outside the window, having a stop by to eat. Humanling was just called over to view a Cardinal, right up close. She gave appropriate appreciation and then step-doggy barrelled up to the window and Cardinal dropped out of sight.

Today is a good day to pick up Strawberry flavored coconut Kefir. Or that was my idea anyway. Real estate and weather's marital bliss tell me that I'm to stay home and make the most of what I've already got. Coffee #2 and a list that includes yoga, excercise, reading, playing with Humanling, paying a couple of bills and organizing the house all sits before me.

Humanling is speaking of her upcoming birthday in a few days. She's excited that school break is almost over and she will again see the boy who has crush dust sprinkled on him. Every year the crushes seem to stick longer. I'm not sure if this boy returns a crush, after all, fifth grade boys generally seem to be oblivious to that but it's been a long time since I liked a boy in 5th grade!

Oh how I wish there were just another 10 hours in a day to be lazily productive! My honey and I decided to brew coffee and toast up at 10pm last night. Who do we think we are enjoying the shade grown mexican coffee that late? It was important to use to continue watching Public Enemies but again, we fell asleep just before the ending.

I have a craving to sit in Borders and just quietly read for a bit....an activity that has escaped me time and time again. Being home makes it difficult to do anything except hear the very loud and ugly call of laundry, dishes, food prep to have stuff in the fridge "just in case" and hungry animals....all beckon.

I feel the pressure of honey's upcoming surgeries...not as heavy as it could be for now....we still have a few weeks, but it is there. I still need to work it through with my job, which is usually not a problem, however, I don't want to seem like I am taking advantage. I do however, want to be available to take care of the man who has magnetized my soul upon mere moments of running into him last summer.

He's going to be out of work for about four months. Whew. I mean....WHEW. That's going to take some planning. Can you say Drop the Champagne taste and start drinking within that beer budget?

The fat and fearless blue jays are about now, leaving any other smaller feathery one to either swoop away or wait their turn patiently from a small distance.

Honey wanted me to do his tarot cards last night, which I did and we laughed and laughed throughout. I never laughed so hard during a reading. But it was mostly funny due to his reactions, piecing together some imaginary demise due to injustice and then death. What I saw in his cards...or in ours together (I did mine too) is a possible pregnancy....which would be quite welcome. It'd be even more welcome if we could get that going before the surgery later this month! A crow card fell out of the deck twice - once while he shuffled and about an hour later when I shuffled. Magic.

I do notice that this time of year, I am usually craving a steady yoga and excercise routine. All those improvements that help us face a clean slate. Life is so busy sometimes...I should put Balance on that list!

Speaking of balance, I feel antsy knowing that the house could really use a once over and that I should take care of that so that I can flip a bird to guilt so that I may plop down and read a bit. My mind hasn't yet learned how to be still in all of these years. Or maybe I am not a scary enough disciplinarian, allowing it to run rumpant whenever and wherever it feels on one of those endless runners. Still attached but flying off without care.

Time for some chapstick and vitamins. That'll be the name of my next album.

Morning Thoughts

Humanling is in school today after a 90 minute delay. I'm having coffee from one of my favorite coffee places and am waiting for the go ahead from one of my teammates that we can move forward with today's work. Signing on early, I already took care of a bunch of stuff and have the luxury of a few quiet moments.



"Quiet moments" are composed of the following molecules :



~Regis Philbin learning to walk in home (sorry peeps, I heart Regis, I don't even care that he dyed his hair a la Dick Clark. Ok actually I do care - the gray was quite handsome)



~Two tiny snowflakes outside my window flirting, doing a mating dance around each other, alternately fleeing and chasing.



~Their dance called the rest of the colony and now its snowing.



~The mute button on my remote - when Regis & Kelly go to commecial, I am previewing mantra music on Amazon.



~Hearing the book cart outside being rolled to the front of the bookstore for passerby to browse through. With the salt and ice on the ground, the cart is more vocal than it usually is.



~And at this point, only the tried and true precipitation couples are still together, chasing, falling. The snow has lightened up from the infatuation phase.



******



I am left to think about some things that I wrote yesterday. Stepping back from men and their glorious attributes, gifts, challenging and fufilling energies helps me to think more. Is over analyzing a bad thing though? Look at the first four letters in analyze.



I love the male energy, but wax and wane.....too much of a good thing can quicken one's pace to get to the running shoes. I'm alone today without co-workers, without my Ling home with me (they were off school yesterday and have I ever mentioned that her business card someday will read Chatterbox Extraordinaire?). I feel like its the first time that I've had in a few weeks to just Be. No complaints though - I have enjoyed my energies swirling in the mix, be it with my little dime (Humanling turned 10 this week), my interactions with Organic, or with the various energies beyond the Send button.



Content deep breath......a tree has fallen but I'm the only one who hears it get back up.