My Soulmate, Derek Wheeter

Laugh all you want. This is Mr. Man. He is my Soulmate.

Alan, I know you love squishy faced Death Eater Azrael, but she's got nothin on this little guy.

At one point, I thought about putting a black bar over his eyes for privacy purposes. I've invested a lot of cash in him and can't be having people busting into my house (except for Organic friend because she leaves nice presents and well, she's just the recipient of my life, unfiltered - and NO ONE needs that job) and stealing him.

Oh CRAZY you say? PLEASE! Look at his handsome mug. :doot: is damn lucky that I respect the boundaries between me and Mr. Man and that we are not to be in That Way. Azrael is just lucky I don't kick her ass out the door.

We've only known each other since about January of this year and I am his second human slave. I was told he is about four years old. And because you are dying to know, he hates tomatoes. Today, I've added White Nectarines to the Do Not Want list.

Once, I went on a Match.com date. The guy was nice, not for me, a little too looking behind him constantly and forthright but serious, about his OCD. My OCD is funny. Not so much to me, but like I've mentioned, if no one is laughing, then my fears have been verified and life is Not Okay.

And okay, when I asked him about his mom, he said she died in the last year or so, then I asked about his sister and she died too of drugs and so I figured I'd better not ask anymore questions. However, he did something that I won't forget. When I showed up and gave him a hug that might have been categorized as an Air Hug, he handed me a flower, and then a baggie stuffed with goodies for Mr. Man. He'd cut fresh apples, threw in some lettuce and cucumbers. It was the thought behind that. Either that or he knew about Mr. Man's extreme power over me and was trying to do away with him and have me all to himself....(breath, breath, pant.....gasp....ok...calm....perish the thought.)

Turns out the goods were legit. Mr. Man ate them. Or else he is Rasputin.

Now that you've all seen him, I must go buy him an ankle tracker. Just in case.

Your Profile Is Embarrassing

Ever check out your friend requests and accept them from the opposite sex thinking, What's the harm? Why not? I do because I am naive. On these hook up/networking sites, I am extra diligent to put "here for friends" only. On Match.com (my profile is currently hidden...I'm not vain but I couldn't keep up with it right now with the moving and weaving myself a new and unmarried path), a person might be trusting and gracious enough to give me their Myspace page. If you're going to give me access to that kind of information, be prepared for the relationship to stay on the side of Sibling-ish.

If I go to a page and the background is slathered in women's juicy butts, or your mood is "Horny" (equipped with devlish icon to make it a cartoon hormone and nothing sacred), guaranteed, I am done pursuing anything other than "Sup".

Oh I have a sense of humour and a great appreciation of the opposite (and even the same) sex, but if you are ever travelling to 1982, don't forget to check out the time tested philosophy hullabooed by Bananarama and Fun Boy Three, "It's not what you do its the way that you do it".

I stopped logging in to Myspace as much. At times there would be a friend request from a random ripped set of abs with a cell phone and no face. If I accept, I get "U R Hot" or "Do you date young guys?" Hell yeah Eight Pack - not only do I Date them, I MARRY them and then divorce them! Bring it on!

Kidding, kidding...that was not an invite. Or was it? Hold on...nevermind. My Eight Ball clarified that it is indeed, a joke. I think I heard some computer abandonment on that last paragraph!

I will admit to checking out the profiles of a couple of my exes, who were maybe sort of trying to Redate me. I made sounds when viewing their pages. If I am making noises, its probably not a good thing. One of them should have changed their background to a giant banner that says "I AM TRYING TOO HARD". If you are trying to *seriously* look into me, and your Mood is *Flirty*, yet I am not on your Friends list, don't question why it ain't happening. {Ella steps in...."It was greaaaaaat fun, but it was juuuuuust one of thoooooose things..."}