The definition of insanity has burst it's tiny seed shell and grown to wrap itself around the entirety of this relationship. After I tell him what bothers me, he spends another day doing exactly the thing that I brought up. For bonus points, instead of understanding my feelings and trying to work with me, he gets defensive and turns things around on me. He says to try and understand how devastating his life is and I said well of course...that's why I paid for the room this last weekend for his cousin's wedding to be sure that he could go and that's why I dropped off groceries on Monday for him. He doesn't want to see the nice side of me...I think it threatens him somehow...makes him feel Less Than. His view in the fun house mirror bothers him so much that nothing is going to make him feel better.
He did a life comparison thing accusing me of having a better life (how effing DARE he!) than him. Well, yes, I do have a great job, great benefits. I've had it for about 13 years. Maybe there was some luck in getting it but luck didn't keep me there that long. I am actually doing the work. I don't know when our lives became a competition with each other. And I would think that when he can be on the phone with other people and talk to them during the heatwave AND walk 3 miles with the dog, that yeah, he can throw me a phone call to say hi. Why didn't I make the list?
Booooo! Hiss-a-lot!
The child told me that I embarrass her today when I decided to dance around like a freak in the living room. I asked her how much. Was she maxed out on embarrassment or was there still room?
Anyway, I'm going to see what I can do to examine angles in which to enjoy my responsibility in making the night Shit from what was Paradise.
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