Act Normal

As predicted, Sadness and Regret finally met up and gossiped at the bar.  They showed up here, next to my bedside this morning and waited patiently.  They waited for my normal dream with Flip in it, where the band As Was played silver paper.  But things were together.  He was in a room with a shut door and another person and I had asked, maidlike, if I could come in (I think I had a tray of tea or something).  He said they were going over Family Business.  I went in anyway, the door being unlocked.  Then the gift opening happened. 

I don't know why I am attempting to write at the moment.  The house needs so much...the broom is lonely.  The dishes are tired of sitting in their breakfast mess.  The piggies need attention and I need to spend money that I don't have on laundry before they start to culture. 

After staying awake for awhile, and remembering all these happy Self Happiness boosting statements and theories, such as Happiness is a Choice!, I thought to myself, it's too early to just Choose it.  Maybe it isn't, maybe I'm being a jerk to the new age community.  What I don't want to do is slug around slowly leaving trails of melancholy everywhere for life to slip and fall on. 

Flip of course has been calling over and over.  When will he get the hint that I won't pick up?  He is not a fair player on the phone and I'm done being abused and disrespected.  I sent that shit into a time capsule, due to land on the planet I'm So Done as soon as possible.

His emails have twisted my words well, and I'm sure I will take my rightful slot next to the others who's stories that I heard in the beginning made my mouth drop.  "Really???  How could she do that to you??"  Well, I'm wondering now how much of it was true.  How much was twisted fantasy.  Or are the stories true and these women broke off into their roles as cheaters because they weren't getting something from him that they needed?  I'll never know the answers to this theory and what's the point of knowing anyway.  I'm not crazy.  Well, I'm more mental than I was three years ago but I'm not that type of crazy.  I have been called names, told that I abandoned him (that is a major issue for the narcissist).  And my return arguments are futile....I believe he abandoned us and me during the relationship.  I just made it official. 

It's time to find the mojo to clean up and be joyful.  Although I will say that money does not buy happiness but it sure buys the hell out of not worrying about paying bills and getting food.  So right now I see with a bi-monthly check the holidays creeping up, the back to school items and a birthday that my daughter is obsessed with for a friend who never calls her.  Time to Happy Up!

Time to bust out my I'm Motivated persona!