The Phone Hates Me

That's how they getcha!  I was baited with the promises and allure of the Odd Couple at 9:49pm and suddenly, the credits were rolling.  I was unawares, playing on the computer and suddenly Gordon Lightfoot and Carly Simon songs are playing.  Yes, it's that addictive half hour commercial that selects a decade of songs and plays a three second snippet of each, pulling you through childhood memory after memory, while yanking each one away with new notes to follow.

I think the seventies, save for my beloved Disco, was a depressing lot of tunes.  I mean look at Peter Frampton with his whole career being highlighted by Baby I Love Your Way and his 3 miles wide Whafro. That song in itself is not depressing but the transformation for him from cutesy man with the ability to hide ounces of pot in his hair to Old and Bald was probably depressing.

Hall and Oates is untouchable though.  Until the last decade or so.  Or maybe I'm ignorant since I don't hula hoop to them.

That's it...Rocket Man will cause kinetics for me...I have moved, I have changed the channel now.

A double bourbon (or so) and some Big Bang Theory.  I swear this show cannot create a bad script.  I think I've seen an entirety of one single 'meh' episode.  

So on a not so fun note, I did catch myself in another day of grieving for the letting go that is happening.  I think that's basically the sign that I'm serious.  I can't read my own feelings...I need Other Signs from myself so that I can interpret them.  There have been times in my past that I was so unhappy and refused to admit it to myself (no, really, I can make it work through all this anxiety and diarrhea) until I would see a physical sign.  Well maybe emotions are not physical but they sure feel heavy when they mean business.  Today was another heavy emo day but not so much that I wore it on my sleeve.  I wore it more as a secret decoder ring.  Only I know that it's there.  So I thought that I might share those feelings with Flip, as he is usually painting my portrait as some sort of fire breathing ice cube. So I'm insane, plus I'm emotionally distant and cold.  

Well, angry emails from him ensued, no matter how calm mine were.  He seemed insulted that I should care about him as I am the one who walked out of this relationship.  Mind you, this isn't what it seems...there is no motive here to try and get a naked moment out of him. This is just giving him what he usually feels that I don't have - feelings.  I do though! I swear!  However, his manner of getting his point across with someone usually involves that the other person shut down because arguing becomes moot.  Like yelling from the trunk that you'll show those punk mafia dudes who's going for a ride!

So the more anger he shows, even to calm responses from me, it piles pounds on the side of the scale of Cut Losses.

The phone just rang.  It's 10:46 pm.  There are a few facts to know: Flip knows the dimensions of my home.  It's small enough for a phone to wake up a child who went to sleep at 9:30pm, we haven't spoken on the phone in a while, and by the tone of the emails that he's been sending, picking it up is not going to yield anything useful.  

Yet I picked it up.  Probably because of him having court tomorrow.  He was angry, it didn't go well and he hung up on me.  He doesn't allow me to express feelings of love because it does not jive with our separate lives now.  Yet he also does not want me to express negative feelings....or does he?  It certainly does justify whatever his story is, in his head.  Basically it is a lose-lose situation for me unless I say I was wrong about everything, ever and I want to move back in.  

He cited and ticketed me for seeing an 'online' sign for Google that I was there but then quickly Not being there.  I guess Google blabs as to whether or not you are there.  Truth is, I did not deliberately hide.  I just clicked off Google in order to go to this site.  I have two Google accounts, one for the blog that I created a long time ago and one for a current email account.

Sigh.  And so it will go for a while until we tire of hanging on.  It is not a healthy relationship and based on the last three years, starting with month #2, it hasn't been.  

Speaking of time killers and mind wasters, I think I'll head over to Farmville.  

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