Wanted: Stunt Ass

I am swigging down the last of my (very) cold coffee. However, since we are beyond broke this week, it would be a complete disservice not to finish my French pressed Starbucks French Roast from home.

So something came up this morning that they really don’t have insurance for. I was walking from the cafeteria with a slightly older and well, how do you say it without being rude, she probably eats a tiny bit more than me as well. She’s joking around saying that if I make this certain mistake with an important part of our work that she’ll kick my ass. So I had to make a decision. I decided that I need a Stand-In Ass to take my place since I really am too busy crunching the numbers here to take a moment for a good ass walloping. Besides, Honey is the only one authorized to be touching my derriere, with love or with mock kicking *(real kicking would result in my very real temper waking up from a nap).

So we walked into our work area and the first person I saw was a young, early 20s boy named Ajay. I strode up to him. “You will be the Substitute Ass”. He looked scared and confused. I told him that in the event that my ass needs to be kicked, his is younger. He smiled and added, “I’ve been working it out, too!”

Use Your....Im-A-Gin-A-tion

If you’re a coffee drinker, you’ll understand this post like you understand how if you say something slightly negative about your own mom, it’s ok, but if someone else does they’d better join the witness protection program.

Note: When I use the term Coffee Drinker, I don’t include people who are ‘experimenting’ with cold, flavored coffees with whipped cream and a handful of powder for your chaffed ass. I’m talking about As Strong As You Can Get Without it Tasting Burnt. I’m talking I’d Grow Curly Yet Silky Chest Hair From It If I Weren’t a Woman, strong. I’m talking My French Press will Kick Your Filtered Mr. Coffee Crap’s tush right back to Columbia.

I can only really drink the coffee that we make here at home. Not true. I really only WANT to drink the coffee we make at home. We use Starbucks, whole bean coffee. We have our favorites and none of them are under the radar of “Bold”.

Due to proximity and not jazzed about driving out of the way by a half hour to pick up a bag of coffee, I chose a bag of “Medium” intensity Columbian Starbucks whole bean from the local Hannafords. I am truly grateful that Hannafords would ever bother to carry whole bean because it is clear by what’s on the shelf that this is an incredibly Do It For Me world, roads everywhere paved with bags of Ground Coffee.

All that was really left was Columbian. Huh. Okay, we’ll try that. I squinted critically at “Medium” but put it in the cart anyway.

Admittingly, I used to be a Dunkin Donuts junkie. I also had my starter coffee days in my early 20’s when it had to be light and disgustingly sweet, flavored if available. AND it had to come in a Styrofoam cup with that pink and orange logo.

Blech. Never again unless I wake up on DD island with no oars to escape.

Ok, Columbian Starbucks. Show me whatchya got.

Not bad…a bit light for my taste but not bad. But I have a way of dealing with these types of caffeine related dilemmas.

I PRETEND. I pretend that I am at someone’s house and that they have offered me a cup of coffee and this is what I was given. Usually I can handle coffee at someone else’s house because that’s what they have. THAT’S IT. It’s a wonderful gesture to serve a guest coffee and that makes it even more palatable. Perhaps it’s a survival mechanism. Or a Pollyanna-ish denial of reality. Or even just plain old overload of gratitude and needing a place to channel it.

Either way, it helps the medicine go down!

And this one wasn't planned, but if you look up 'coffee bold' in Google Images, it's what showed up. T'aint my fault.

Cozy Autumn Days

A well desired day off work! It is rainy and windy and yet 25 degrees higher than it should be this time of year for the New York/New England area. Perhaps a Halloween without millions of kids dressed as Burlington Coat Factory ads after all!

I rarely miss a day of taking pictures during the fall. Sometimes that involves throwing myself into situations where others just become so curious or concerned. When I happen upon a Must Have moment with the camera, the pull over rate of cars that see my car pulled over and me out of the car is rather high. And I have to say, there are some good people out there. All of them ask if I am ok.

Or are they asking if I am ok to have running around in society? Maybe THAT'S really it!

Today was one of those mornings. Humanling had a morning seizure, which guarantees her a mom-chauffeured life to school once she is up and feeling better. On the way back, I hopped out of my car....so many wonderful images to capture...with the ambience of morning darkness, rain clouds and autumn landscape! And...a car pulled over...

It is comforting to know that that in this area, for the most part, I won't have to panic if I do need outside assistance. But in the age of cell phones and individual privatization, we don't venture far out of our borders to extend ourselves or receive others in the form of many friends, nevermind getting to know new strangers. Unless of course, they have an avatar online.

My mate chuckles to himself frequently when I come home a few moments later than I said I would....Look at my new photos that I took on the way! Or... Come help me unload all this great wood I found on the way home! And I will gather any wood that I can lift, bugs scurrying all over it and all, in any shoes that happen to be gracing my attire that day. One of my former bosses passed me the other day, in platform shoes on a winding side road, carrying a huge log to my car.

"It WOULD be you." she simply said and laughed.

Today has been a mish mosh of nice things to do when home on a rainy day off.

~Enjoy an hours long round of Colonization (PC game) with the honey. Our 'cold' weather gaming habit. It isn't cold today but he loaded it regardless, and hoped to rope me in. He won.

~Have more cups of nice, hot and tasty coffee....just because we're here and that's reason enough to enjoy life's tastes and small moments

~watching the adorable tufted titmouse land on the feeder. Their eyes are just so button-like to me compared to other birds. They seem pretty comfortable around us if we are outside.

~A wonderful meal made of white beans, BBQ sauce, grapeseed oil and yes, topped with kettle cooked potato chips. Yes I did. It was good.

~Snuggles in between turns on our game. Drive by I love you's. And a hand on my back, rubbing it strongly enough to make me purr.

~Although the reason for it was a headache, a small siesta, in which I went deep into the well of sleep for a short while. Head feels much better!

~Waking up and knowing that the coffee was hot and simply waiting in the French Press downstairs. There it is, proudly adoring my space on the desk! Isn't it just so cute?! (No there's no photo for that but close your eyes and imagine it in the way that best suits you and makes your toes curl!)

~Some interesting research for my show today, Scorpion Equinox. I do loves me some good and progressive info! Honey might be my show mate today until my co-host shows up. If not, then I will have the fun and challenge of a solo show! Skill Testing time! (www.blogtalkradio.com/scorpion-equinox-)

~And for now...a moment of silence while mate walks his mom's dogs and I await his return in order for him to take the conch in our game. We never move each other's characters! Executive decision making in this case is an absolute no no!

Hope your present moment is exactly where you are most happy with it!

A glorious work from home day yesterday.

We’ve been woken up with roaring winds and rain. For me this is the most perfect weather.

Sent the Humanling off to school and then my mate and I decided to have a quiet early morning date to ourselves before I started work.

Eventually, we lay, listening to the wind, knowing that the leaves are swirling around in the air above the grass, the driveway, the chicken coop. The temperature is mild and the air feels gentle and refreshing through a window.

The smell of coffee permeated the house since we had it brewing in our French Press…the only way we enjoy coffee for the most part.

There is so much to enjoy about a rainy day….grace periods for things we might not ordinarily do, simply because weather might dictate certain activities are deemed for tomorrow, when the sun comes out.

He went to walk his mom’s dogs. I sat quietly in the house, after a lunch of yoga, vacuuming and mail checking.

Christmas early yesterday! Two of the books that I had ordered came in….One of ravens and crows and one of the Harlem Renaissance. I love when a book that I hadn’t previously, is finally in my hands. To touch it, flip through the pages…explore it like you can’t quite do virtually with the kindles and nooks of these days. Yep, I’m a book fogie!

A second pot of coffee water boiled on the stove for our next round of steamy, warm sharing. He returned home from rain dog walking and it was then time to grind the beans.

I wrote this yesterday and then edited it today for time tense.

But what really happened is that yes, it WAS INDEED time to grind the coffee beans. However, the electricity went out and that 2nd pot of coffee had to stay a simple pot of water, cooling off in a dark house. We instead lay down and napped. Rainy days that bring surprises.

An Early and Beautiful Fall-ish Day

A wonderful day to walk out to the garden. The last of the vegetables will be harvested in the next month or so. There were also wonderful flowers to adore and bring in. I used to be against cutting flowers....let them be gorgeous for everyone outside!!! Dead things! Yipes! But after taking just a mere few and leaving the rest for the bees, I feel good about it. Our window sill is brightened and brilliant.

Add THIS to the When Did I Turn Ninety pile.....I never enjoyed mums. Never. That's Ever with an 'n'. And then last Friday, I jumped from a young 40 to a young 90 when I saw how wonderfully Autumn they would be in our yard.

Just a walk around our neighborhood after doing many chores. I love chores when interspersed with Moments.

My mate has lived in our home for 10 years. My scorecard puts me at 9 years less than that. This is the first year he has ever seen the quince bush produce an actual quince. Admittingly, this is its best side. The other side appears to be a doorway for Someone who Lives in it. I've never had quince but for all it's gross rot on the non-viewable side, it smells amazing.

Another photo from one of those neighborhood walking Moments.

Mate decided that he should weed. He doesn't usually do chores and Moments on the weekend. He likes straight drill sargeant chores and then the rest of the weekend is a Moment.

I am running for Queen of Kindling. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiit....I'm running for KING of kindling. I have no idea why I enjoy hunting kindling. Finding, touching, breaking, carrying. I adore trees as well so perhaps it is connecting with the bounty of the tree.

And my very favorite....that 2nd cup of coffee that I have in the afternoons. We use a French Press. If you haven't tried one, it's amazing. So simple, so clean and doesn't involve electricity. You do need to boil the water first though. We are quite spoiled....we always look forward to new coffees, fair trade, organic, and enthusiastically enjoy our old favorites. Sometimes we blend two together. After using the French Press I could never go back. Nor can I drink the free coffee at work....it turns my face eight shades of red and makes me hate.

No clues as to what the new season will bring but I am hoping, many many more Moments.

Thimble Nipple?

Regis just notified me of a new news item last week.

Coffee makes women's breasts shrink.


It must take time lapse to figure that one out. I'm going on almost 20 years of la vida java and still have to wear a bra. So I guess I'm going to file that one under Worry About It If I Live To be 300.



One note for you metro gents ~ The Bro may come into fashion yet, as the opposite is showing to be true. Men who drink more coffee are stealing our shrinkage.

Nighty Night Rabbit....Sike!

It's almost 2:30am. I did go to bed an hour ago but had one of those amazing uneasy experiences where you wake up an hour later with gum tucked somewhere safely into your mouth and your heart starts pounding for no reason. And because your heart is pounding, you focus solely on this strange ventricular behavior and the pounding exceeds anything you could possibly imagine is used to help drill oil or perhaps wake a small village in the event of a fire.

I pretty much seem to have a goldfish memory when it comes to this incident. My only solace when this happens is that - oh yeah - I've been here before. A number of times. I decided to go to a friends house tonight and indulge in pizza, alcohol and then ending in a cup of coffee. At 11:30pm. I'd add in the cannoli but I'm already hyped - I don't want to acknowledge the sugar shame as well. The funny thing about this coffee is that I am the one who had brought the bag of grind over. I'd gotten it from my buddy who owns his own coffee place behind me. (Yes, behind me! Every time I turn around, there he is with a grinder and roasting device! Tis quite inconvenient in the john.) I'd tasted a batch that he made one day and offhandedly tossed out at him that the coffee flavor was "kind of weak tasting". Isn't that sort of like the moment in "Liar Liar" where Jim Carrey suddenly becomes Truth, looks over at his boss after the wild slap and tickle and says, "I've had better"? He concocted something for me that would from that day forward become the Alpha Joe, leading all slacker cups of coffee into a militant hell in order to toughen it up a bit.

Did I mention that I never did sample the coffee after buying it, but just tucked it neatly into my fridge to stay fresh?

It took me awhile tonight after trying to calm the heart down, and the subsequent shakes, to figure out WTF. As it turns out WTF is now standing for Well Too F**king bad, Dummy - think next time.

Why do I think I can be 22 and just handle the bean this late at night? And then just trip off to bed without incident?

My upstairs neighbors have come out of their creaking coffins to walk their dog. They only seem to make noise at 2am. I'm going to stick a head of garlic in their mailbox for troubleshooting purposes.

And my Java script (ahhh!!!! Of COURSE its a JAVA problem) seems to be defunct right now so I can't play Pogo bowl and point and click my way to virtual bowling sanity.

Humanling just got up and asked when I was coming to bed. This only succeeds in making me eons more nervous. Don't ask why - I have no answers - caffeine supplies no answers to the anxiety. And to think I thought we were family.

I think I just noticed a hunger pain. Am I kidding??? Hell to the No Way. Back to bed for me. I needs to get me some sleep before indulging in that first sip of the morning coffee, the cup that I originally fell in love with before moonlighting with night java.

Nighty Night Rabbit.