So not that I really mentioned in in the last two months but I had been dating Someone. He was pretty nice to me...bent over backwards many times to try and make me happy with him. It was reminiscent of Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America". The scene where his parental chosen bride to be tells him that she likes whatever he likes. Whatever makes him happy makes her happy. Until at last he strolls out of the room post command issuing her to hop on one foot and bark like a dog. The image haunts me. I think I've seen it in dude form.
While I completely appreciate the sentiment in this, I also recall a guy that I was with who was quite agreeable, but always had his own ideas. When I'd show up to visit him he would have the plans loosely laid out. And they were always perfect.
The two month man of late is someone that I knew about twenty years ago and had issued a respectable No Thank You to back then after one date. On the first date this time, he counter issued the same request. Would I, could I act too quick? Would I, could I get in thick? Well, I said no again. Clearly though, he had the instructions to the manual that gives away the shortcuts. His response got under my skin and although I said that I wasn't ready, I gave in.
I don't know about any of you guys but there isn't anything hotter than someone agreeing to be with you with the following words - "I'll try."
I woke up the very next morning with a Costco sized vat of dread and anxiety. What had I done? I wasn't ready for this. Or maybe Cinderella just tried to squeeze into a slightly smaller shoe, being told that it is supposed to fit that way. It took about a week for the dread feeling to go away - that's a shitload of self pep talks and convincing myself that now I was with a good person and that I shouldn't push someone away out of fear.
But how does a person know when it is fear and when it is intuition based? I think it is obvious that if I woke up with dread and not a refreshed sense of Spring blooming in my veins, then that was clearly a red flag. So instead I rebelled against my own self, deciding that I don't know what's best, I will just go with this.
Until I start cringing every time the phone rings. Until I don't want to hear certain phrases because it requires a response that I do not own.
Let's be real though. This Someone wasn't perfect. And I'm aware that Yours Truly is missing that gene as well. These are a couple of nitpicky things that are easily gotten past really. I walked into his house once to find a used Crisco slathered TEFLON frying pan just sitting there on the stove. TEFLON????? He isn't just a bachelor, he has produced his very own offspring. He's a dad and he should know better. When he answered that his daughter drinks 2-4 cans of Arizona iced tea a day, I looked at the ingredients. High fructose corn syrup. File under Swiss Chard, because he didn't know what that was either.
These are things he was willing to learn about though, I'm fairly certain. It doesn't make *my* way better. Although I do think being health conscientious is a plus.
There were other things, major red flags, and eventually they got to me. I started to dread weekends or the other two days of the week that I would have to make plans to spend time together. Some things were just not on par. Including conversation. But if I wanted a nice touch, rubbing my back, playing with my hair or caressing my face, he definitely was awarded a blue ribbon there.
Random: Having cats means never being able to relax when you have an open drink sitting next to you.
And so, the time had come to take the yellow brick road backward. He is still there if I want him to be, which is commendable. But my earlier statement of not being ready holds. Again - or he just wasn't the right one.
So for now, I will leave the social media status as is. No need to rush out and put it in his face.
I will now go back to contemplating if I should turn up the television or continue to read lips, while wishing that I had a remote control for my living room door so that I wouldn't have to get up to close it.
I will also try to chip down this newspaper pile by reading. When not riddled with guilt induced feelings for possibly chipping someone's heart.
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