Facebook: You Have A Message From....

And then I saw his name. We'll call him Wheezer. That was his nickname when we were 16. It is indescribable the feeling I saw when I saw his name there. A smile that cracked, molted and grew even larger and a reserve of happy tears.

I hit the link immediately to connect with him.

He has a rather common first and last name. His name could only be worse if it were Michael Smith. Over the years any search for him resulted in my rare white flag with a google bar on it. Who knew what state he'd live in. Last I knew he was in Michigan. And that was when we were 20.

We met at McDonalds when we were both 16 and freshly morphed with working papers. I don't think they have those anymore but I'm pretty sure that we had them. We are two weeks apart in age but different astrological signs. Me the Scorpio, he the Sagittarius.

I went to a public high school where there were so many faces I'm sure some teachers didn't know my name by the end of the year. And if they did in my senior year, it was probably because I was the more rare at the time pregnant 17 year old senior. He went to a private Catholic school.

He looked like Superman, so said our geeky McDonalds quality of Circle. And he would prove later on to be one.

Wheezer was virginal. I was not. Not by much, just by two people most likely. I had a boyfriend who was a spot of trouble. I liked 'em with a criminal record. Only this one would sometimes not show up to walk me home from work and later on call me from the police station to say he was arrested for being on the roof of a grocery store. So maybe I liked them with a silly criminal recored as opposed to dangerous. My dad had a silly criminal record. Like the time he put a sand shark in the library water fountain or stealing cars. Only no one knew that was him with the shark. Well, now they do.

I recall the night the McCircle was behind the shopping center, standing on frozen cold piles of dirt. My boyfriend Rooftop was with the pack leaving, as I was. Rooftop wasn't officially my boyfriend but everyone knew we were together. He would actually wait until a few months later when he was cleared in court and knew he wasn't going anywhere before he would ask me to be his official girlfriend. Pretty considerate for a boy!

Everyone started moving toward our next destination, most likely a warm one. Wheezer stopped me for a moment. He said someone told him he wasn't a good kisser and would I mind if he kissed me so that I could give him the honest truth? I sort of shrugged and felt as though he asked if I wanted a piece of gum. Ok. Not a problem. So we kissed awkwardly and with me in Mindful Critique mode since he posed it in such a way.

Hm. Not my type of kisser at that time. Not at all.

So I told him I had no idea what that girl was talking about - he was fine.

As time went by, he became the friend who constantly watched me drunk on the tightrope, as he balanced an armload of antique eggs for his mom that would wreck havoc on the world if cracked. He stood under me waiting for me to fall and having to catch me with a delicate balance. Thankfully it was never so bad. His parents hated me. Apparently Rooftop or someone else called his home and threatened his mom that they'd hurt him. I didn't know anything about this nor would I have allowed it.

Wheezer was the guy who stood by and watched me date and become free. Date and become free again. But never dated him. I kissed him here and there. I was excited to see him and hang out with him. But he was one of my "buddies". The guy I wouldn't date. The *nice* guy that mothers loved. Superman.

For my birthday one year he offered me his virginity. I handled it gracefully but had no appreciation for what he was trying to give me. I figured it was a way of getting some. I mean what boy offers his virginity? And doesn't enjoy it?? It was a pretty neat way of trying to sleep with someone.

Within the beginning of my senior year in high school I stopped dating my last bad idea and went back to the guy I was with before I even met Wheezer or my McCrowd. We immediately enjoyed the thrills of teenagers being left alone every day after school and Miz Eye was brought into this dimension. The pregnancy with Miz Eye was unexpected, but not. I mean, we weren't preventing, so we should have been expecting. Her dad didn't take it well at the time. He was 18 and we went to separate schools. He didn't have to give in it to immediately like I did.

I was left alone by him during most of the pregnancy and when he was with me he let me know that he was embarrassed by me. We attended my prom and I wore a dress that I chose 3 months earlier. Which meant that the dress was not as supple as it was when I bought it. I felt like the prom side show and watched everyone else dance to "This is the Time" by Billy Joel while my date and donor wouldn't even hold my hand.

I relayed all this to Wheezer, one of three males that knew about my situation.

On one of our hang out nights, Wheezer decided to treat me to dinner - one of those steak places. (Yes Virginia, there was a time that Shades ate the flesh). I didn't eat much and was rather cranky, being nearly 6 months pregnant and full of joy and hope for my baby but heartbroken about who I thought was the love of my life. We left the steak place and Wheezer pulled over to a golf course. He asked me to get out of the car. I nervously got out and asked repeatedly with OCD tinged spurts - What are we doing here? Why? What are we doing here? Why?

He pulled a radio out of the car and placed it on the roof. Pushed play. A slow song came on...it might have been Heart. He might have given me a rose. And then he definitely asked me for this dance.

He wanted so hard to make it up to me for what someone else was bringing down.

I ruined the night. I refused the dance. I refused to see the beauty. I probably didn't even have dessert and maybe that was my problem. I was being the young Scorpion. The kind that stings itself over and over again just to make a point.

He wasn't deterred. As he dropped me to my house that night, he stood in front of me and held my hands. He asked me if I would marry him and he would give me his car, he would take care of me and my unborn baby. He would give up college and the experience of growing into adulthood with transitioning stages as opposed to being dropped like a freefall into it overnight like I would be (but I knew this and I wanted it.)

If I refused a dance, I was definitely refusing this offer. I said it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his problem and that his parents would kill him.

And then...life went on. The summer was a blur after graduation in regards to him. I had my beautiful baby girl and fell in love for the first time ever, unconditionally with her. It was the first day of school when I called all my friends who were returning to their senior year, and told them she had arrived. My hospital room was full of teenagers that night.

A note regarding Miz Eye's dad. He was there for the birth, metaphorically shoving aside my best friend who had done the Lamaze time with me all summer. But the moment he saw Miz Eye, he changed. He cried, he apologized and he's been her dad - a good dad, ever since. I moved into his home with his parents after her birth. It would last for about a year and a half but we tried.

Wheezer and I eventually lost touch.

I tried to find him for years with the amazing power of the internet, to thank him. When I look back on that night, I can't believe that everyone was right. He was Superman.

So when I saw that he found me, everything in me burst with joy. I have thanked him.

And he said, after all these years, that " {Shades}you never had to thank me, but I do appreciate the kind words.I would have done it all over again if it came around again."

We have phone numbers. We just turned 39. And although he is across the country in California, I can't wait to catch up. I am at least enjoying the old memories playing back. I hope his are as good as mine.