Just wanted to relay a conversation with Cavey because he is clearly on his own set of rules.
He calls tonight - the first time in HOW long, and says How's the baby. I say that she's asleep because its after Late O'Clock. He says he broke his foot. WTF. He 'broke' his shoulder 2 weeks ago and 'broke' his hand a week ago. I ask how he broke his hand. He says punching something when he found out his uncle died - which is a lie. He already told me that he broke it one day when I stopped over BEFORE he knew anything about his uncle being close to death, and still hadn't yet passed. So I called him on it and he said, "Oh. Then I broke it when I got mad about something else". REALLY? Say it isn't so!
So I ask how he broke his foot. My theory is that he busted it kicking a ringing phone clear across the room that could have been someone calling to give him work. He says his foot found a ditch. So I said that I can never know if he's lying or not because of how he sounds. He said that he was walking 'someone' home through the woods and fell in a ditch. So I said what's the big deal why can't you say who she is because otherwise you wouldn't use 'someone' and its not like I'm going to be mad because I don't care about that. He says *18* of course. The 18 year old girl (mind that he is 33 going on 34 this year.) I have no problem with him with whatever age but if he is going to spend all his time and pocket lint on someone other than his daughter, it had better be an emergency and not another beer run. As soon as *18* turns *21* and can buy her own booze, I'm sure she will have better things to do than walk through the woods with a guy who's body spontaneously breaks everywhere.
So then he said that he was hoping to speak to Humanling and I said IT'S Late O'Clock - why would she be up? Why can't he call when she's awake?? He said he doesn't have a cell now. So I said "I'm going to be straight with you. I know you are having a hard time with stuff right now so this might sound harsh, but you need to get in parent mode. You are not in parent mode at all. " He says "you're damn straight I'm not in parent mode because I don't have a cell" WHAT???? I didn't have a cell when I conceived! How on earth after Humanling's birth could the hospital have let us go home without one? Apparently Virgin Mobile issued me my first parental pass back in 2005 and then I must have crossed that line into Officiality. So I said that if he needed to call *18* or *20*, he'd find a way, or his band, or one of his friends. I then said further that there is no reason he can't come see her. He said he doesn't have a car. IS TOO HARD TO WALK??? Let me tell you the distance to his house from my house. We are basically joined by one road. It takes little over one full minute by car, maybe two on an upwind day, five minutes by bicycle, and about 20 minutes walking to get from mi casa to Dillweed's casa. With his abilities, he could jet fart his way here in less than 10 minutes in small spurts. I said that I understand about his foot right now but there is no reason he can't WALK his ass over here and see her. He is yelling at me at this point, saying something about he can't come see her because I have some puerto rican over etc etc. (This would be about :doot: who isn't PR, [said in Seinfeld] Not that there's anything WRONG with it) So I just said with pristine annunciation Listen you Mother f**king A**hole....and he hung up. IS HE KIDDING???? IS HE F**KING KIDDING????? UGH!!!!! My beloved Humanling does not deserve this. She says things DAILY about him. She wanted to swing by his house tonight on the way to the water park to ask if he will get her off the bus this year. Poor thing. I said fine, ask him by phone, we are not swinging by. I am not taking you there. He needs to come to you and come to our house. I am no longer in the business of making this easy for his ass.
I know its all bad vibes and negative but damn, he pisses me off.
No wonder when I challenged her to a game the other night, it went like this - "What rhymes with car?"
She answered without missing a beat, "My dad drinks at a bar!"
Nuff said!
6 comments:
Jet-Farted. Hilarious.
My instincts to dive in and fix things is powerful, but I'm going to try to tread lightly, as I don't know your life story.
Cavey sounds like he may be a little disconnected from reality. I've known a lot of people who get to a point like his - where your options seem limited because you don't realize how many others you have. All you see are the choices you're always faced with.
I'm not defending his behavior; it's deplorable with regards to his daughter. As for the lying, well I imagine that's an old habit. I used to tell lots of little lies, mostly lies of omission, but untruths sometimes as well. The best possible reason - to protect someone's feelings - is still not a good enough reason.
I know this was a rant, and not intended to be "entertainment" per se, but you're a very good writer.
Lookit The Neighbor stopping by! Isn't she awesome? Writes like a house afire, I tell you!
At first I mistook "Cavey" for ":doot:" and my heart rate increased. You know someone is shady when, in going into passive-aggressive insult mode, they gotta throw ethnicity into the mix. Would Cavey have said "You got some Irishman over there" if it applied? or "You got some blonde over there." or "You got some moustache and beard over there." So you already got me non-liking the Humanling's father out of the gate.
That said, rather than worrying about what's easier for him or not, you can still do for the precious Humanling. If she wants to have some kind of relationship with him, I think it'd be an exercize of the better angels of your nature to give her an odd lift here or an extra drive there so that she can build one. That'd be for her benefit, not for the knuckledragger's. At least until Humanling realizes the totality of what a skrag he is and cuts him off for herself.
PS, you know I discovered you two on the same day, right? When I was researching Match.com.
I'll be damned if it didn't work after all! I might not marry either one of you, but yous sure have made my life better!
Whoa! Who are the people in the Neighborhood...in the neighborhoood.....? Nice to see Alan's brought a bud!
To understate it, you are correct Neighbor - Cavey is a 'touch' out of the plane on which most of us have had the pleasure of inhabiting. Now I'm not saying there is anything WRONG with the morning shakes, having a beer upon awakening, or pathological lying, as long as you don't disappoint too many people under the age of 18. Oh wait...good thing he is hanging out with someone 18 because that means that only Humanling is having an issue with it. Whew. =)
Thanks for the kudos btw- both of you! (where the hell is my red font when I need it!)- they are always a decadent thing for me. And yes, with his arse, jet-farting is a very real possibility.
Alan! You seriously need to stop being so freakin hilarious!!!! A beard and mustache!!! Ha! Damn, how the hell is your mind so sharp sometimes.....what on earth are you eating - is it that special stuff?? Extra Omegas?
well, they do say for each kid, you get dumbed down a little. So there's my excuse and I'll use it for the rest of eternity.
That's crazy that you found us on the same day....how cool is that. Is anyone still on match?
It's not too crazy Dawn. I had done a Google blog search for Match.com, and yours and Ned's blogs came in up in the search results along with a gazillion others.
But being the blog connoisseur that I am, I only left messages at the best ones. And now here we are. :-D
And you know, it could be the Omegas!! Nutrisystems brags that its all in, out, and around their food. However, I've only been eating it for four days, but I been a genius fer way longer than that. :-D
Speaking from personal experience with the not-so-perfect-baby's-daddy, it's best to just do you.
Keep the personal feelings away from the little one, no matter how hard it is, and I know it gets damned hard!
He may never learn, but if he does, it'll in his own time.
Hang in, this too shall pass, believe me, I know!
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