The What Happened!???! (without Mark Wahlberg)

I got issues. You knew that. Perhaps you are even reading this to make your own issues look like actions of normalcy. I love my horrible animal, Azrael. Oh yeah, she looks real cute up there, huh. But unlike the guinea pig and the hermit crabs, she is mobile, all of the time. Much to my disgust and constant protest, she is now blatantly being all leisurely about sitting her furry arse on the kitchen table. She can cruise the house stealthily, without so much as a click of a claw at times. She hates her water bowl. Probably because she can't tip it over and ruin my hour when I step in it with a clean, dry sock. Also because, it has a very straight up purpose of being her very own ration of water in her very own bowl to put her curious face in whenever she wants to. She'd rather lurk about instead, waiting for a chance to hover over any open cup of water that I might leave out. I wouldn't even trust for her a second if I walked out of the room and my cup was in another zip code. Her face would be in it sure as I saw one of my co-workers clutching a rubik's cube as he walked around today. And no, it wasn't my imagination. And it wasn't 1981.

So I get a Cup O'Tap yesterday and decide to put it in the kitchen cabinet to keep it safe so that I can walk the house and do chores without having to cradle the cup to me bosoms to keep the Feline Face with special guests, E.coli Paws, out of it. (She's an indoor Mew, therefore in my opinion, when a litter box is introduced as a prop, all cats have enchanted E.coli'd paws).

Anyone see the Happening with Mark Wahlberg? I generally, in most moon phases and civilizations, heart Mr. M'ky Mark's acting skillz. In this movie, without giving the whole booty away for free, basically *something* happens that causes people to suddenly become confused, stop what they are doing, sometimes walk backwards, and then under a complete and utterly savage compulsion, kill themselves as soon as possible. Usually in less time than it takes to open the wrapper to a Drumstick ice cream.

Today I go into the cabinet to grab a cup for Humanling's Quench Request, and it looked like a moment from The Happening. I was on mom duty auto pilot. I opened the door and saw a cup higher than my head (I'm big enough to get on rides but small enough for someone to pick up and walk off with) and trance like, grabbed for it. If this were caught on camera, you'd see what appears to be quite a self aggressive throw of a full cup of water all over myself, as if it were acid. (hey, if they had shown enough ways to die and got creative about it besides being all pro-innate the way they did - walking off buildings, slamming yourself into a tree, or dashing through a window, they very well could have done a cup of acid from the cabinet shot.)

And then CUT! I'M AWAKE! Water, all over my clothes and my brain is firing all kinds of immediate and to the point punctuation to figure out why this is so.

(Said in Newman Speak) - Azrael!

And yet five seconds later I am still standing there like a statue, cup in hand, standing in a pool of water. Damn cat has so far added about 600 extra hours of chores to my life in the last four years. But that's what happens when you try to tame the Devil as he mates with a Tornado.

Someday though, that cat is gonna trip just the right person for me. And it will all be worth it.