It was during this time frame one year that my little Ling was going to a pretty cool nursery school. One with a swimming pool year round and a pony ride once a week. And it was affordable for even me.
The staff was young. Amongst the women caring for my HL during the day was also a guy. He was somewhere near 23, an Aquarian, me being ten years older. He also had this killer Australian accent.
I managed to discreetly nab this boy's attention and we had a very colorful athletic team between the two of us. We had decent conversations, yes, but I can't seem to remember much about those. I knew my place as the older, settled down with a child, mama and he was my kicks on and off for some time. The next year he would be Humanling's teacher.
I hope all of you have that one moment, that one move that stands out. Better if you have more! Aussie and I had broken it off for a bit...me choosing to date one of my exes, not knowing that Aussie and I were anything like a real item (although I've learned that many of my assumptions on this in the past were definitely not what the other side was cheering on). Yet I still had to bring Humanling where he worked, day in and day out, usually picking her up near 5:30pm. One night when I got there, the place was nearly empty. There were still workers hanging around. He and I were both sort of bittersweet about the whole cease and desist. He saw me and gave me the sad eyes. Truly sad eyes...not cute little boy puppy eyes with the big ole bottom lip hanging out. I walked past him to get Humanling and felt a firm grip on the back of my shirt. Not violent or rough, just enough to firmly pull me back, against the front of his body. He put his face in my hair, took a deep breath and then let me go.
He almost sold me in that one moment.
He didn't right away and he wouldn't for keeps. We went back and forth for a bit, enjoying watching the boundaries blur in the distance while we ran past.
We still talk....he lives in another country technically now - England. However, he's here for a few months now and trying to get me to say yes to a night of hanging out. Before he left last year, he told me that he could see us married and that he wanted to take Humanling and I to his homeland and we'd live there, chilling on the beach. As a childhood cancer survivor, he has no time to hold grudges or waste too much time on being stagnant and bored.
Wow. The beach huh?
He should be here for about another month. I keep meaning to get together with him but I've allowed life to be full of fluff lately, amongst some actual project planning and time spent with a certain Capricorn male, also 10 years younger...although as usual, I hold them at arms length, not wanting to get too involved but wanting to enjoy what we have to offer each other, each of us suckling sweetness from the time shared. I'm not sure that's what the Goat has in mind, in fact I know it isn't the utmost favorite position to be in. For Christmas, he helped me out quite a bit with some financial issues and on top of it, gives me a beautiful ring with a couple of small diamonds in it. He's been very good at playing his hand and being the right thing at the right time. He is always that wonderful, responsible Saint Bernard with the barrel under his chin, making sure that I never have to worry about certain things if he can help it. In turn, I do my best to be as wonderful as our positions allow. We have our own excellent chemistry and he is finally almost 30, which is nicer than when we dated when he was in his early 20s. We also work together all day long (well, not together directly, but he sits basically six feet away from me with obscured view). People at work know our past history but probably have no idea about the black and white photo shoot the other night.
And on another note, I wonder about the Virgoian :doot:. Ever since we met in 1996, he was the guy that I always thought I'd want to end up with. Every single time God places him into my hands, with more glued together spots than the previous time, I somehow manage to set him free again. Inevitably I go through the WTF GIRL??? AM I CRAZY?! cycle over and over. On paper, he's the closest to being what I'd want ever. Just something about the energy once we get together. Or maybe its just timing. I spend too much time thinking about it.
I can easily envision the life we would have at the very least. We'd live in his digs in NYC. There'd be a two parent family for Humanling. We'd have no car and I'd be stoked about that. Humanling would grow up in NYC, which I would consider a privledge. He and I would constantly have wonderful things to do, ideas between the two of us that would just always work. We cook side by side and completely agree on hygenic issues with food handling (a biggie with me). He is a good guy for a Veg girl as he has already stated that he wouldn't bring meat in the house. He has a great Brazillian accent. He's artistic without direction so perhaps our union would create direction for both of us, although I work mine out currently and do craft shows. I know he is happy with the little things, as am I. He gives killer massages and knows how to give me my personalized Shark Sleeper Hold - playing with my hair until I fall into a sleep so deep, I need a snorkel.
Virgo also pays attention to the food sensitivities and wants to learn more about them. He's one of very few people I can trust to leave my Humanling with. Most people don't know how to feed her, and that's understandable. Some people are aware but think that I'm being dramatic on the culinary flair and will feed her *whatever* anyway. My mom is paranoid of doing the wrong thing so I'm relieved to say that she can be counted on to not ruin HL's diet if I go to a movie and have her babysit.
So for someone who doesn't want to worry about relationship issues.....I suppose I'm one foot into the plaza and glancing into the window of the wide world of the intracacies of coupledom. I just know, like many other things, I can't run from them forever. Decisions have never been my strong point.
The holidays were fabulous, but after that I became mentally lazy, addicted to this online game of Bouncing Balls ( ha ha...yeah. I know.) and didn't read many blogs, didn't write many blogs (or should that be rephrased to "any" blogs), fell in love with I-Carly's Jerry Trainor (Spencer, Carly's older brother & guardian who is really 31, almost 32 in real life, thank God), started putting ketchup on virtually everything including all beans, and have been trying to figure out how to incorporate all that I would do in the perfect day into my current days without getting up earlier than 6:45am. I'm also reading a book called "We Plan God Laughs" and it has many scary parts in it as far as the grave misfortunes of others. I end up with really bad anxiety if the planets are at all crooked in alignment that day. I suppose in order to help others, and to help myself, I need to face all that head on and be able to be aware of it, while maintaining a steady heartbeat.
I have been enjoying a fabulous meditational ride, even one to the point of tears. Time to keep reaching, keep writing and most definitely keep reading all those good blogs that I love and have to tune back in to! Much love & Blessings!!
