A happy and magical Samhain!
A day full of small blessings ....
I decided that there would be no better day than today to plant my Queen of Night tulip bulbs for next spring. When they (hopefully!) peek through the ground next Spring, I will know that my beautiful black tulips were planted when witches, ghouls and goblins roamed.
Of course I needed to offset the beautiful color of these flowers with something....so I chose pink foxtrot tulips. At first I tried to create a pattern and then in normal fashion with my character, I ended up arranging them at the lighter end of mish mosh but nontheless, they will be breathtaking. My next manuver is to be sure that the deer do not feel the same way. As much as I like the deer and we've given them nicknames (Herc and Carver, from the Wire), they've already given us enough. We pull plenty of ticks out of humans, cats and dog around here, we don't also need to find headless stems where my Samhain flowers are standing.
After a fairly short round of trick or treating tonight, my Tween-A-Ling and I sat cuddled up in her bed. Naturally the dumping of the candy all over the table had already taken place and the pupils of both mama and child, quite dilated. Mmmmmm....chocolate!!! I asked her what she would like to be more of, starting tomorrow. I gave her a couple of ideas of what I meant and she hooked onto one of them.....Joy. More joy. And I second, third and fourth that into the sunset.
We have had a great time living with my mate in the last year, but my TweenerLing has also felt the unfortunate and negative feelings that arrive, luggage and all, with a blended family situation.
When she and I were just Us Girls, living in an apartment, we did everything together. Every hour was Girl Time. Every trip out was a possibility for anything. She now shares my attention with of course, my mate. And she has turned up the dial on how unhappy his presence makes her. He has tried desperately to work with this in a positive way....and at the same time, has never had a child scorn him so much. It hits him Emo AND Ego. Being the net between sides has been quite stressful for me. It is a situation in which everyone is stressed. Even when he tries to be fun for her, she stamps a huge RETURN TO SENDER and storms off.
With his own health problems and constant pain, plus the whole ego/emo thing, he can only be charitable and turn the other cheek so much. He will eventually lash out and it isn't pretty. The tiny wars between an adult and child are uglier than you ever want to see. There is no winner and nothing about it feels good.
Tween-A-Ling's reality has simply gotten more and more depressing. And I relentlessly worry. Between the medication she is on (black box) for her epilepsy, the antibiotics for a case of Lyme and her life being shifted from happy and all mom's attention to where it is now, I thought perhaps, with this new year's door being open tonight, we could make a pact of sorts.
Joy is the answer. You and I both need more joy. Let's do that. When I ask what gives her joy, the answer I get is naturally, Ice Cream. Ok, you can't have ice cream all the time, pick something else. I gave her my example....going to a bookstore and just chilling for a bit. That brings me joy. She offered me another Joy Point...Coffee. Yes, she is correct....it is coffee as well, every day. Twice a day usually. For her.....well....she can't figure it out yet. That's ok. We'll make a list tomorrow of what brings her joy. I hope she can truly find something in her heart that we both know for sure, is not merely a groups of words to answer my question, but a stepping stone - to a higher vibration for her.
