Purr a Little Dream

My devilish and affectionate Azrael sleeps to the right of my head at night. Sometimes I wonder if our dreams are intermingling like osmosis. I think about that with my mate at times too.

Sometimes we will sleep and then share what the feature movie was in our heads for the night. There has been a time or two that it has been the same theme between both of us. So I figure that our heads are close and our thoughts must be weaving and flowing from one to the other.
*
There’s a point where I have to feel out my comfortability in the daily flow of events.

I am still not sure of where what dot is colored in on the number scale from one to ten. When I dismiss deep thinking, and at the same time, engage deep thinking, I can feel Ok with it. I’m not sure if I am mostly ecstatic, but I am ok and moments of happiness creep up and tickle me when I least expect them. Those moments can happen solely inside of my mind much of the time. Anticipating Something. Maybe anticipating the weekend. Or reading a chapter in a book. Or one of those fabulous cupcakes from a local bakery around here. The frosting is never that gritty, sugary kind, but is fully the buttery kind, on a type of chocolate embalming fluid on top of a moist cupcake.
*
I can observe the non verbal cues. When Bill Maher music comes on, even though no one is talking, there is a preemptive volume increase made with the remote. As if to form a barrier that says “You must not speak. If you do, the volume may go Imax on your ass.”
*
We had our time in couples therapy tonight. For a couple that isn’t married and has been together for a year and a half, it sounds like we are war worn and weary on the Benatar Battlefield of Love. I think people partially go to therapy to have a referee. It works for me. There are things not discussed so much at home as much anymore and then it is brought up on the chairs. It’s amazing to show up happy, hot beverages in hand, having spent the day with natural affection…..then walk out with someone capable of steaming vegetables on their head. There are some strange perceptions among us. And I don’t know about other couples but when the ugly gets on, it’s like a switch flipped and this can’t possibly be the person that was so gentle and sweet earlier. There were definitely things to discuss in an uncomfortable arena. But I guess you don’t show up to talk about how nice those office lamps are. Well…he dove in and threw a conversational grenade on the place.

I am surprised that during the vein bulging parts I was not shaking my legs up and down like I always do. In therapy they always point out the discomfort gage of my knees bouncing up and down. Today though, there would be no such pointing. I folded a little piece of paper up into a small rectangle. I attempted to fold it very small but at one point, it wouldn’t fold anymore. So I folded it in the opposite direction. And back again.

And so today, it is Clean Slate day. It is Enjoy life….and if there is a chance of getting hurt in this relationship, I will live. I’ve done it before.

I’m going to stop worrying. And therefore maybe help him not worry also. Freedom is mine….to share of course. My mind will be free. I am going to trust in order to allow my mind to go to newer channels instead of hanging out in the old mind haunts. We are so much more often than we know, our own worst enemy.

Standing up to the challenge of growing pains. And through the challenge, is a warm, cozy center where that crazy, happy flow is ushered in a subtle, yet severe way. Now I must remember this for longer than just now, while my eyes dust over the words.

Check out where my wings are coming in!

My Clairvoyance is ON

My cat's name - Azrael.

The Thing that I've been taking care of for the last four years. The being that has me yelling more sailor nouns, verbs & adjectives put together than any arty production ever produced. The clear winner in Who Gets Yelled at More - Her or Humanling.

The cat that drives me insane, makes me hurl cups of water at myself from odd angles, sits her furry arse anywhere and on anything that she wants and spends her whole entire nightly existence zipping around the house like a fool.

I'm talking to my coffee guy out in the back of my place this morning and he mentions to me that Azrael means something. Something that I didn't know. Makes perfect sense now. I probably better be nice to her now.

Azrael
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This article is about the angel of death. For other uses, see Azriel.

Artistic depiction of the angel of death
Azrael (angel of death) is the archangel of death. It is an English form of the Arabic name Azra'il or Azra'eil (عزرایل), the name traditionally attributed to the angel of death in Islam and some Hebrew lore.[1] The Qur'an never uses this name, referring instead to Malaikat al-Maut (which translates directly as angels of death; not one angel). Since it is not mentioned either in the Qur'an nor Hadith, it is not part of the religion. It is thought by some to be legendary or adapted from other religions. It is also spelled Izrail, Izrael, Azrail, Ezraeil, Azraille, or Ozryel. Chambers English dictionary uses the spelling Azrael. The name literally means Whom God Helps.[1]
Contents[hide]
1 Background
2 In art and literature
3 See also
4 References
5 External links
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[edit] Background
Although some sources have speculated about a connection between Azrael and the human priest Ezra,[2] he is generally depicted as an archangel whose history long predates this figure.[3] Rather than merely representing death personified, Azrael is usually described in Islamic sources as subordinate to the will of God "with the most profound reverence."[4] In Jewish mysticism he is identified as the embodiment of evil, not necessarily or specifically death itself.[1] Depending on the outlook and precepts of various religions in which he is a figure, Azrael may be portrayed as residing in the Third Heaven.[5] He has four faces and four thousand wings, and his whole body consists of eyes and tongues, the number of which corresponds to the number of people inhabiting the earth. He will be the last to die, recording and erasing constantly in a large book the names of men at birth and death, respectively.[6]

[edit] In art and literature
Azrael, as both a character or a more abstract concept has been adopted by many different artists, musicians, poets, and authors over the centuries to express or evoke a variety of different meanings or emotions in the reader – often drawing on the cultural resonance of the name for effect.

Depiction of Azrael by Mikhail Vrubel
In literature, Azrael has been featured by a variety of authors, across a broad range of styles and countries. Recently in the West, he has been written about by Terry Pratchett in both Reaper Man and Good Omens, the latter coauthored by Neil Gaiman and as the main character in Anne Rice's "Servant of the Bones." He also forms part of the underworld pantheon in the Dragon King series by Stephen Lawhead. Philip Pullman's Lord Asriel from The Golden Compass might also be an allegory for Azrael. The playwright Arthur Miller wrote in Azrael as a character in "The Creation of Life and Other Business", while the Mexican poet Amado Nervo wrote a poem entitled Azrael. The character has even found a place in popular culture – emerging as a costumed superhero named Azrael in the fictional Batman universe, and in the French graphic novel "Poulet aux prunes". He even formed the title of the CSI: NY episode "Here's To You, Mrs. Azrael", featuring a homicidal mother. Also, he appeared as a character played by Jason Lee in the Kevin Smith movie Dogma though in a vastly different interpretation, as a fallen muse and demon, rather an angelic assassin. In music, Azrael has been written about in both songs and albums by such varied acts as Demons & Wizards, Coil, The Nice, Crimson Glory and VNV Nation – classically, Asrael is a symphony by Czech composer Josef Suk, dating from 1906. In the comic book genre, writer Marc Guggenheim wrote Azrael as the warrior/angel of death whom Wolverine has to fight every time he suffers a lethal wound in order to save his soul, which is returned to his physical body if he is victorious.[7]. It is also the name of the Wizard Gargamel's cat in the cartoon The Smurfs and the name of the leader of the fictional chapter of Space Marines from Games Workshop known as the Dark Angels. The Swedish black metal band Marduk named one of their songs Azrael, on their album La Grande Danse Macabre. The name also features in the 1996 PC game Azrael's Tear; the game also featured a specific Biblical quote relating to Azrael's function as Angel of Death.

**And Yes, she does guard organic vanilla body cream rather well, doesn't she?