Serene Life...Take Two!

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How About Now? Now? Now?

No.

The complexity of relationships. The complex simplicity of Buddhism. I’m wondering to myself how to merge forks into smooth flowing streams. I’m having Charlotte Kasl on my radio show soon (date not yet secured but she said she’d be on!) and what a good question for me to ask her – Who’s truth is THE truth? Is there more than one truth when dealing with individual minds? I understand that Buddhism tells us that there is no separation but I can clearly tell you that the mind that hopped in the shower this morning and drove off to get more bloodwork done is not the same mind that is sitting here writing this. So if our barriers are down and the Kick Ass God in you is the Kick Ass God in me, how do we assimilate that into our very vibe?

Many times during a ‘Lively Discussion’ (I hate to say ‘argument’!) I will say things that I believe are the truth as I see it….or maybe that is perception and a totally different thing altogether. I would think you need perception to see truth though. So if I believe I am saying one thing and his truth is that I am saying something other than what I actually mean when I am communicating, who’s ‘truth’ is going to be The Truth?

As much as I’d like to silently win, I’m not looking for the Gold Medal in owning the AH HA-SEE-I AM RIGHT AND OWN ALL THE TRUTHS NYAH NYAH NYAH category. I’m looking for us both to see the middle road, what is really there and if we aren’t agreeing on which side of the street the fire hydrant is really on, then to be able to understand that maybe I was going down the road so that it was on my left, but maybe you were in the opposite direction so that it was on your right….therefore, maybe we are both right…or at least both to the understanding of where the thought comes from.

The trick that I want to see pulled out of the proverbial sleeve is thought transference! I want to be able to say something and instead of having it Picasso’d into nothing that I’d meant it to be by my partner, I want to simply graph it into his cerebral Inbox and have him see what I really mean. I never believed in that Mars/Venus corn filled crap in my earlier days. Or even last year. Until Mars united the Warriors together – the Aries and the Scorpio and allowed us our playing field – play hard, love hard, fight to destroy – survivors optional.

*A momentary Brain Break as the dog crotch snorkels and my concentration is going into the wood chipper*

Ok. Absence of nerve grating sounds has resumed.
I have so much work to do on myself…especially to follow this path. The sound of the dog licking is enough to make me want to run down the dotted lines of the highway at rush hour.

I drive my mate crazy – whether my truths are real or imagined. I wonder sometimes if his calm as of this year, demeanor is more a product of not having an actual 9-5 workday anymore. He has been home since January due to surgeries and illness – not illness that keeps him in bed, but that keeps him from working. He gets a lot done in the house normally and I have no idea how to cook anymore since I usually don’t have to. I have to say, a House Husband is a sweet deal most of the time.

Sometimes though, I realize that I am on a schedule. Or rather, he is not on a schedule. There is no having to go to bed early for him because he doesn’t *have* to get up and work. He has time to pursue reading and interests and really really Get It. To allow it to soak in. To contemplate. I admit, I don’t do my best contemplating while driving to work and singing “Telephone”. Nor do I contemplate well during a 5 minute bathroom break. Nor coming home to homework whipping duties or after school/work schedules. That’s when the house is most psychedelicly active with everything in sight coming to life as distraction, falling in the path of a School/Work night schedule.

And maybe I feel in the way sometimes since my honey seems to have wonderful and serene days by himself at home, but then on days that Humanling and I are home, it feels almost like we are destroying his Silence and Serenity schedule that he has gotten used to. Perhaps it is all self esteem on my part, perhaps if I would just go to Snopes.com, I would find my truth exposed as a sham.

I’m discovering that I used to think we sat home very well together but that now since he has gotten his daily routine into what it is, that now perhaps I am not used to it or rather, I don’t depend on myself enough to go live and soak in joy…that I am waiting for him to have joy with me. That’s unfair to him, myself and the 11 year old Devil In the Making. One of my goals is to learn to simply live with or without the doting attention of a partner.

I am in the right line. I just haven’t gotten to the counter to have my ticket ripped yet.