Chef Red Flagsy

Chef Ramsey is hot. It's all because of Humanling's off chance of sleeping in today that I am even watching him on Rachel Ray.

There's no school today so I get to work from home, which is the Bee's Knees and a pot of gold. She promptly got up and turned the tv to one of her shows right before Regis and Kelly were about to air. When I work from home, I gots to have my Reege. Ugh....well, since its her day off and I should be working anyway, I had to follow the yield sign and let her have it. I usually shut the TV off after Regis and Kelly. After I took my little walk down to the coffee shop for my Happy, I gave in to the fact that I'd be immersed in the world of Diego instead. But of course on the dot as my favorite morning show is over, Humanling decides to trip on into the bedroom to play with her Barbie's and leave the TV territory to me.

Thanks for leaving me with the trash, hon.

So since I usually like some morning fluff in my coffee on the work from home weekday, I put Rachel Ray on.

Humanling walks out of the bedroom, notes Rachel Ray and asks why am I watching her.

Very simple. You stole my Hour. So now I have to watch Something.

Enter Chef Ramsey.

I'm a bit put off by the tiny hairs on my neck growling however. Not at my Ling, but when I got to the coffee shop. As many of you know if you've been following me for a bit, I want to be sure to raise the vibration of others and myself too if I can, when in contact with someone else. I usually like most people. I get along with people that others form Assassination Clubs over. It's just the odd pit in my chocolate that puts me off.

I get along with the crowd in my java cloud and exchange whatever scrapes off the morning surface of our minds for a few minutes. As soon as I walked in this morning, I could feel a man's eyes burning my face off. I gave him a brief smile and then started reading my book while waiting in line (I carry a book everywhere for that stolen kiss of literacy). He made comments to others and roped me in his conversational perimeter. But his vibe was extremely abrasive for me. I felt uncomfortable with being stared at when I would try to break out of the conversation and go back to the book. Then he'd say something and I'd have to answer or else the air around me was dense until I did. It wasn't him, it was me. I have no idea why.

And this bothers me.

Can I just accept that we (*we* meaning *I*) don't jive with everyone - and sometimes for the simple reason that our energies are like repelling magnets? That although I am trying to smile and be polite and laugh at all the little efforts to connect, my aura is snarling like a werewolf. A little man evolves out of my imagination and is building a brick wall up in between our conversation space. It's really annoying to want to accept people exactly for who they are and then to find that you just don't like how you feel around someone else.

Maybe it was how In Your Face this person's demeanor seemed to be. Or how wide his eyes were, like black holes vacuuming out my energy if I looked at him. Or that he couldn't just stop talking to me...that he had to find ways to keep the conversation going. I did my best to laugh, smile and reach out. And now my Etiquette muscle is going to be so sore tomorrow from such an unnatural flow of a workout.

On another note, I see that Atlantic City wrote me on Facebook. I read the first sentence or two and it seems back to friendly. I'll just have to keep an eye out for any other weird behavior that I prefer does not emulate my second marriage.

*update* I read his note and although he has an uncannily photographic memory of our brief teenage Summer Lovin', he did admit to a moment of jealousy over my long call to the other guy since I hadn't jumped at the chance to speak to him in a phonely way right away. He then said that he realized that we are pretty much doing the same thing - finding our old friends and reconnecting. Both of us. Of course we both want to speak to our old buddies. So my loveys, does this make him sorta ok? Is he on Orange Flag alert or maybe coming back down to normal since he could speak the truth? Did Jeffrey Dahmer pour out his truth as he flipped through his braised hearts and garlic recipe, dinner drugged and roped in the corner?

Eek. That WAS a horrible vision. Sorry guys. Once in a while I do like to use my sun sign's potential to curl a toe or two.

For me it was a step in the right direction but I'll still keep walking backwards with my eyes on everything surrounding me. And be forthright with what comforts me in a friend and hopefully may I comfort as well.

American Idol is on tonight. My joy. This is the only show that I schedule for myself. Lies. Regis & Kelly. Ok, but that's when I work from home. Big Bang Theory. That just started in October.

So far I really like Danny Gokey (the guy who's wife died) and really just can't believe they sent his buddy packing. I also like Matt Girard (I think that's his name. He sort of looks like a Nashville Justin Timberlake). I'll have to keep watching to remember the rest.

I am a tad remorseful that they sent (call out the trumpets) that adorable horror flick making guy, Cody, home. If I'm going to adore those in the pre-ability to beard segment, he'd be the candy.

Off I go to not burn the greens tonight like I did last night. I'm glad I own copper scrubbers.

Nice To Meet You...I've Booked Us a Wedding Hall

It feels like Sunday today, right?

It was a nice day off. I could so live like this if it weren't for that whole having to feed the child thing. So this is what it feels like to be Humanling's dad. Only I have internet.

We walked down to the coffee shop this morning to hang out, play a game (in which I would lose ridiculously - even in games Capricorns are disgustingly good with hanging onto their bills) and caffeinate my soul. There were a number of people who came in just to open their laptops and sit in a coffee shop. One girl and guy exchanged words across tables - "You job hunting today? Me too!"

There was a gorgeous, taller girl with a nose ring and green eyeshadow. She had acne scars and she was really admirable material for me. My nose ring is a stud and has been for the last 9 years. Hers was a ring. I miss wearing a silver ring. I saw a psychic in my early 20s who warned me that I needed to remove the ring as I was prone to being lead around by the nose like a bull. I thought she meant that since I'm also Italian I would be lead around by my keen sense of smell when calzones were ripe in the garden.

Once we got home (after my brutal Monopobeating from Humanling) I checked in with this week's guest to go over our question list and to let him know the date, day and time (yet again - OCD*OCD*OCD) to call in.

I had the most wonderful phone call last night. I did call my friend who offered me his entire life when he was 17 (Wheezer). We finally connected. We are coasts apart and had a four hour conversation. I went to bed at 3am, happy to have spoken to him. He's another divorce casuality, but then again, that's as common as pigeons in this day and age.

I proceeded to have a nice dream about him after that. NO - nothing juicy, I swear! But it was a comforting dream.

I checked my email this morning and the guy that I met on vacation when I was 14 sent me a not so happy message. He had asked to do phone recently and I said we will set up a date for it since I'm not great with it. The guy I spoke to last night has waited since December. Apparently Wheezer had written me to tell me how great it was to talk to me and for SO LONG and used a public note that I had written on Facebook to tell me. Well, Atlantic City guy saw this and emailed me to let me know that he's glad I got over my phone issues. I guess he thought he was reading something private and it was accidentally forwarded to it.

I was a little put off since we barely know each other. The face to present to me after the last marriage that I had with the boy who was so possessive that I couldn't drop something in the grocery store or else I'd have to bend over to get it and my shirt would go up in the back and all the men in the vicinity would sport woodies over my back skin, is not one of possession or any hint of this kind of insecurity. I like little possessive things, but nothing that rolls out a red carpet to go with the raging red flags.

I did very nicely email him back and let him know that Wheezer has been waiting since December and that he's a dear friend. I didn't want to explain too much more since I don't owe an explanation.

But that's me....I'm not *sad* but I am like *pffffff*. I love the romanticism of old loves, friends, etc and the possibilities that can be. Until I step on a reality shard and it jolts me out of my fun.

So tonight's dilemma is - Watching the Big Bang Theory.....or Spectacular (some early teen movie on Nickelodeon that the Ling is sure to emulate in her sleep). It was so easy back then, wasn't it?

Beware the Yellow Filled Bottle

What a beautiful day it was today! Here in CT, that means mid thirties equals being outside!

Humanling let me know early on that we should go and pick up trash in a park and in our own Hood. So, armed with two Walmart plastic bags we stepped outside.

They were full in no time.

I had to stop the Ling from reaching for a pepsi bottle with 'yellow' liquid in it. Ah, no...we'll leave that one.

What about my OCD you ask? (Or didn't ask?) She had gloves on with rubber gloves over them. I merely had gloves. We tried to pick up things with branches as well and that pretty much worked.

The park however, was quite clean. We only picked up a few items but then again, it is winter.

I have been wracking my mind to try and find a good volunteer opportunity that would involve HL helping out as well. The ones that I've wanted to do so far involve animals and because of her age, we haven't been able to. We don't really have a lot of babysitter type opportunities (and I won't pay for one - ha ha, my electricity bill is $1600 right now and I will need to call and plead with them for another couple of weeks since I will be able to give something then....). So when HL mentioned picking up trash, she gave us a solution for now. At least now I won't have to look at the almost empty Snapple bottle that's been in front of the driveway for eons.

Facebook has been a lot of fun as usual and you just never know where things will go. I'm due to call one person tonight that I haven't spoken with in 20 years and has human nature has it, if all goes well, I will fantasize about how our lives could come together. Or...I'll find fault in one sentence and think what a wonderful person, breathe a sigh of relief that I am single and shut the idea off.

What I can't believe is that another person actually scanned and sent me the letters that I wrote to him when I was fourteen. Can I just say that I really really sort of don't like how I represented myself at that age? Or how I did to him? And then I think....is THIS how I stayed in his mind all these years....as THIS person? So much swearing, very shallow conversation....and showing off a verbally abusive relationship that I was having here at home, hoping he would come save me. Eek.

The Mystery Of gives me plenty to smile about. It's a nice place to be.

Meanwhile, Capricorn and I hang out still here and there and its nice. Its nice and I know there is nothing in common....that for whatever reason he thinks it would work and I feel it would be somewhat stifling. It would put walls up in my life where there aren't any now. Or.

Maybe it would give me an opportunity to let him into the life that I have now and want to lead going forward. He is the most linear man I know. And he recently asked me if I had a 'rock' for him. He means a crystal. Or a gemstone that can help him somehow. So I did get him a few, a red tigers eye especially for that overly active worried about money root chakra. I also got him a book on yoga since he recently mentioned wanting me to teach him. And he wants to try EFT. This is all very good. I'm glad for him that he is expanding his horizons. He gets bored so easily.

I am never bored. It scares me when someone bores easily.

Yesterday the Ling and I had a craft show. The positioning of the event did not draw people in, but I had a great day selling a few items and meeting some very very nice women. Sometimes craft show women can be a bit competitive. These ladies were terrific....and so was the woman who's store was hosting our fair. Her daughter was there and that gave my girl someone to play with. I left with business cards, a new buddy to have playdates with and a wealth of good conversation.

Since I'd promised my girl a trip to the bowling alley, we went last night and met Capricorn there. I somehow won the first game and I'm definitely not competitive and don't do the butt dance when I win. I only do the butt dance when I drink.

So this fires up the Goat who can't deal with losing...especially to me. Another two or three games ensued with him keeping careful tabs and me talking to the ugly ball. I was convinced that the ugliest ball there was why I was doing well. I figured it needed some gentle talking to and as I got ready to awkwardly roll them down the aisle, I'd look at it and say, "you can do it."

The show last week went fabulously for my friend and I. We had a great turn out and even my little mom and her husband were EFT tapping away during the program, mom walking around the living room and hubby with a cigarette drooping in his fingers. That to me would be the whole reason to do it to begin with. If you can get my Old School Meat and Potatoes Brooklyn raised mama to tap because her weird black sheep kid said so.....then it had to be because there was an authoratative English accented voice on the show telling her to.

This week's show will be more physically health oriented and we're hoping to really break some myths for folks.

I see its time to put the Ling to bed. She's playing with my hair right now and I have to pretty up for my phone date. Which means having a glass of water nearby and a pen to doodle with.

I hope whatever time or day you're reading this, its a moment you are really taking in and glad to be in it. x0x0x0

The Birth of Scorpion Equinox

To all my beautiful readers....tomorrow is it - THE day of the radio show. It'll be our very first airing so I'm really totally psyched and at the same time minorly freaked that I'll muck - m + f it up. That's my flyer up there....which I hung around town like an old school unsigned band.

Just for hoo ha's and kicks - you may find Scorpion Equinox on Facebook (and join!) I'd so love to see your smiling faces in our membership!

Tomorrow's show is on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Scorpion-Equinox- and the dash at the end of the link is needed. Why is there a dash? Why are there missing socks? OMG - why did we think that guy was cute after five shots? We just don't know.

Our guests are Dawson Church and Nick Ortner. Do I hear owls? Who? Who? Who? Nick has put together a fabulous documentary on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - his info is at www.tryitoneverything.com ). This healing modality is free and is right at your fingertips. You tap your issues away. I'm OCD unfortunately and tapping will only happen for me if I've washed my hands nine times beforehand. (I don't touch my face or allow others to touch it unless its Mr. Bubble or Mr. Clean). Dawson Church completely endorses EFT and is also an expert in the emerging bioscience field of Epigenetics. Epigenetics are factors that turn your genes on and off - outside of the cell. They are not genetic expressions that are causing the flickering switch...they are environmental....but not necessarily what we have always considered to be the Environment. It's also the environment that is caused by the hormonal flood that is constantly happening during our simulated Fight or Flight reactions to things.

There are a number of fabulous speakers on the subject - Bruce Lipton and Gregg Braden are a couple of them, and Dawson Church being another.

Besides that, I have yet another Facebook story. Yeah...how many people can you possibly keep connecting with? Sometimes I see Facebook as a way to "collect" people. You might accept the friendship and never say a word to the other person. Just like in high school when you knew each other. But I'm a collector. I like knowing where they all are, seeing their photos and commenting on their day at times.

I received a most shocking (for me) friend request yesterday. It was from a guy that I'd met when I was 14 (let's say 1984) while on vacation in Atlantic City, NJ. I think we spent a few days together, made out in hotel ice machine rooms and left each other teary eyed with promises of Soul Matish type glowings. I never forgot his name but I hadn't had the memory of him in so long.

In walks a friend request from 1984, AND he still has my hand written letters and photos that I sent to him. He posted the photos up on Facebook and well, what can I say? He's legit. He definitely has them.

Mere months after I met 1984, I met Miz Eye's (my 21 year old) dad.

And this leads me to Def Leppard. It's a good thing I'm happy with the product of my coupling with Miz Eye's dad or else I'd have a bone to pick with them! I was soooo enamored with the band, mostly Joe Eliott, the lead singer. When I met Miz Eye's dad, he looked JUST like Joe Elliot circa "Bringing on the Heartbreak" (the original with Pete Wills, not the remix version). Fall in love, get a crash course in the gamut of intensity and poof! Go to senior prom five months pregnant! What....? Didn't you? No?

So I admit that I bought the Def Leppard CD the other night. And I am horrified to say that I have found myself rocking out to it in my very own blood cells. ACK!!! It's Def Leppard! I'm almost embarrassed but obviously paid for the CD with my dignity so I have none left.

So anyway, no pressure, but if you're interested, check us out tomorrow at 5:30EST and if not...the shows are archived and you may listen whenever you shut off your new Def Leppard Lullaby album.

x0x0x0x

Does DisCount?

Ever notice that you could be wearing just socks and be in a room's equivalent of the Grand Canyon and wherever there's a small wet spot, you'll step in it? Cups of water, a child, a tanker full of Barbie's strewn about and a cat. That's all I have to say.

Besides this. I'm in a math dominant type job. I enjoy very much being paid for the fact that I recognize numbers and usually what to do with them. It's not my forte but its like a really good relationship that just didn't work out. You part and fondly remember that one, with no real complaints. It just wasn't a natural and perfect fit.

Circuit City, as many of you probably know, has bought a corporate plot in the ground. A couple of weeks ago I put on my vulture wings and headed in to see what the discount was. 10%. Eh...it could be better. So we bought nothing.

Tonight we went in and it was 30%. That I could deal with for an item like a CD or cheaper video game. Not so much a camera.

In my head I tried to figure out the discount - let's see, something was approximately $10 so that might be around $3.50 or near there. Yes, that's the DISCOUNT. While paying at the register and hearing that I really spent $42 when I thought I would spend $20 I realized that MY head turned that equation earlier around so that was the PRICE. GAH!

I have Check Out pride. I can't put things back. So if necessary, do CDs taste better roasted or stir fried?

What caused such shillings to be parted? The first was what I thought was a joke. What? A 2008 NEW Def Leppard CD? I laughed out loud AND commented something like "are you kidding me? Please!" and put it down. And picked it up again. Well, I surmised for $4 it would be a steal of curiosity. No, I spent $9 on it. And the new Demi Lovato, Ting Tings and the Toadies!

I loved the Toadies back in 1994 or whenever Possum Kingdom came out. The first cd is probably about a half hour long and every song rocks. The 2nd cd....not so much. Highly unmemorable and so I'm hoping I can love this CD like the 2nd cd that I wished they put out.

And I had fun making some new creations lately as well. There might be a craft show on Valentine's Day so I am trying to get some new things made as well as get ready for our very first radio show.

Those are my fairy earrings up there. They are seated on a Barbie wedding gown....which is on a Barbie.

I spend so much time wondering what it is that is my passion and then I realized today that I am living a lot more of them than I had thought. It's a really cool feeling - gratitude in nineteen textures and even new colors. Comfortable is one that goes in there even though that sounds kind of weird.

My newer goal besides the radio show, is to do some sort of work with animals. I do have my own brood at home but I have a lot of dog envy. My small apartment and lack of wanting to be more organized than I am prohibits me from doing that at this time. And finances. Humanling and I are hardly ever separated outside of her being at school. She is not legally allowed to come along for the ride on a volunteer gig. So I'm trying to think of ways to work around that. Maybe try to walk the dogs at the local pound and go into work an hour or so later and work later instead.

I've been dreaming of dogs....a street full of dogs and the one I chose was white and had three legs. That's not the weird part. It was like a poodle. I used to claim that poodles were not even dogs. Just ugly cats. But I also used to use words like Always and Never back then too.

When people walk down our road with their dogs I usually make eye contact with and say hi to the dog while passing. As an afterthought, I see the end of the leash and acknowlege my fellow man.

I've been reading this book "The Passion Test" by Janet and Chris Atwood and its been really good. But I still believe if my number one passion is to feel connected with God at all times, the rest is cake.

I suppose its time to try and unlock the various games in the new Napoleon Dynamite game for Humanling's DS. New to us - Circuit City....the only item that actually was the price that I thought it might be.

May every one of you who read these words be blessed many times. x0x0