After my reminescent spilling of how I had a great relationship many years ago and then flicked it into the bin without even checking to see if it made it in or not....I came to a decision. I decided that I should send a letter of apology to that person.
Mind you, he was the love of my life, and I haven't spoken to him in about 5 years.
I knew years ago, that I would eventually need to give him the courtesy of an apology. He did deserve it.
I stalked his job (via phone....I don't have time to go on actual stalking rampages...especially with Humanling in tow telling me she's hungry or tired or has to use the bathroom NOW) and found his place of employment. I wrote him a five page letter, double-sided, and mailed it off expecting to never ever hear from him again.
But I resolved within myself that it was okay. That the apology itself is what needed to happen and nothing more. That didn't stop me from leaving a contact email.....you know, just in case.
The stock in my emotion of 'suprise' hit the jackpot when I checked my email today and found Said person on there. With a response. Without a restraining order, expletives or slamming a proverbial door in my face.
I still don't know how I feel. It was one thing when I imagined that he would never respond. I accepted that. But now....
Now I'm in the precise moment where the butterfly lands on your arm and you don't want to move.
So I haven't stepped out of this moment yet. I don't know if I'm being dared to move.
But I will say this, whatever happens, there is something that stood out in my mind prior to sending this letter to right my perceived wrongs. A fellow blogger, Alan, said to me that True love is right there IF I want it. And I believe him. Our cards may be spent in this casino, but who knows...maybe they started recycling a bit.
