How Joe Elliott of Def Leppard Got me Pregnant

So what is love really?  I can tell you what it isn't.  It isn't what I feel toward the fruit fly who is heading toward my beloved Erdinger.  I don't need fruit flies catapulting themselves inside the long neck of this bottle, to become assimilated by me.  I am one with the world but don't wish to prove it tonight.  So I guess, drink faster!

Today I remember a very special day for the younger me.  The younger me fell in love for the first time at age 14.  I was, of course, somewhere that I wasn't supposed to be.  My mom thought  was rollerskating (GOD Mom!  REALLY? Rollerskating???  It was the 80's, not the sockhop!)  I met a 15 year old boy who was a dead ringer (in my mind) for Joe Elliott of Def Leppard, circa Bringin' On the Heartbreak (original version without all the keyboard stuff). I was obsessed with Joe Elliott.  I had actually met this boy, (not Joe Elliott or else this story would be much different)  him a month earlier in this Forbidden Zone where a bunch of us potheads/burnouts hung out.  I was always a fringe member.  I'd dabble but never become a card carrying member myself.  

We smoked.  I left without his phone number.  I was smitten. All I knew was his first name and that he was from a neighboring town.  For weeks I would call every phone number in the white pages that signified his town.  I tried not to sound crazy.  I'd never felt this way before.

A month later, I saw him again. And this time wasn't leaving without his baby.  I mean, number.  I wrote it in blue cover girl eyeliner, the kind with the "smudger" on the end of it that always got gross.  Great in concept though if you were older than 14 and kept your stuff hygenic.  Back then we'd swap gum between classes back and forth.  I ended up with eye liner all over my face because well, I was 14 and dumb. And nervous.  And had to go wash up after having them all go Carrie Like, laughing at me. 

I left memorizing his number.  He kissed me and the song blaring from the pothead hangout was by that 80's gangsta, Kenny Loggins, "I'm Free" from the Footloose soundtrack.  He had to go on vacation within a few days but promised to call when he got back.

Long story short, he did.  He asked me out 28 years ago today.  We had all the bumps that go with the scene, break ups, make ups and long after school sessions unsupervised in his room.  I ended up pregnant in the 1st half of my senior year.  

Today, although we aren't together,  we share a grandpyre, (Hey, I love vampires.  He can be one for 42 year old MeMe). The feeling that I got when I first saw him so long ago is now what I know as something that involves the Soul.  I've felt it a few times afterward, upon meeting friends, upon meeting significant others.  Very few.  This was my first taste and it was the most important one as it presented us with numerous life lessons and a beautiful daughter and years later, our grandson.  

He probably wouldn't remember what today is, but that's ok.  It was a special experience and I'm happy to remember the longing, the desire, dreams, promises, heartbreak and continuance of life from it.

Seasoned

I believe that I love happily ever after. I’ve never done it but my guess is that anything with the word ‘Happy’ in it has to bring some benefit to the table.

I’ve had it offered to me a number of times and just like the mysterious Curtains 1-3, you never know what’s really behind them until you choose one.

Just yesterday morning, I had been thinking a lot about this very complicated relationship. Pros, cons, nostalgia of this soul being my first real kiss – the inexperienced, sloppy and hours long kind. The time we used to spend at ages 12 and 13 in elevators (stop button with our fingerprints all over it) making out. Or the movie theatre. Or literally, a roll in the hay, as we had access to a barn.

But are we more than just that primal underlying attraction as adults? It seems sometimes that the only area of our life we wouldn’t even think about complaining about would be the path of the barn. At times it seems that anything else is a war cry. Words about parenting, money, the messy house, who is using how many burners on the stove at a given time - Somehow leaves one person’s mouth and cocoons then completes a metamorphosis into a totally different creature before ducking into the ear of the now offended one.

Yes, people go through this. People who had married since before Abe Lincoln studied by a candle flame. BUT….what shade of red flag do you have when it happens intensely and frequently within a relationship that is merely a year and a half old?

Jumping into something was so very easy. Even if I had put any thought into moving in with my mate as quickly as I did, my body would have already packed and driven everything here without my cerebral help. It was magnetic and felt absolute.

Pondering when there are problems is another story. It’s not quite as easy to think straight about breaking the wine bottle on the bow of Ship I Guess It’s Better We Found Out Now. Because when do you really ever know? Does the flashing Game Over sign on your deathbed finally reveal the ‘right’ choice? How much do you have to try? And then some folks will say you shouldn’t HAVE to try so hard if it’s ‘right’.

Ah. BUT. Most of the wonderful wise elders in our society will open their creaky closets and share their secrets with us if we just ask. That it really WASN’T all that easy, although you’d never realize it from the outside. That this seemingly adorable old couple never even had an argument about margarine vs. butter. We’ve found out through opening up to others that even THOSE couples had their Dark Night of the Couples Soul. They hung in there through commitment, got through it and are honest enough to say that it sucked but it passes and they are glad they worked through it.

If you otherwise are into your mate and aren’t merely out to trade in for a newer used model then you’re in luck. You already know their rusted crannies and they know yours. You already realize that even if you do think their farts are rosey, they do come with thorns. No big surprises there. What is needed then seems to be new ways of learning, perceiving and a commitment to try to be mindful of the other person instead of being trapped in what is making YOU and ONLY YOU uncomfortable or hurt. Otherwise, you might throw away that Other Person’s Treasure that really you could have happily been with. There’s always a new person out there to scale for new land mines with exploding baggage. Sometimes people just give up too soon.

On the flipside, if you absolutely see nothing about your relationship that works for you or you feel icicles gleaming on your special parts when your partner tries to be affectionate to you, then well, maybe it is time for Greener Land Mines.

I thought about our own relationship and our issues that we’ve allowed to inflate. I remember when we laid eyes on each other, how I felt after our first meeting after 25 years, I still remember the drive to his house for the first time knowing it was going to change my life (and now I live here too). I remember that first night of sleeping next to each other – his arm around me, never leaving me for an instant all night.

Those are the things that soften the edges of hurt.

I thought about how everything was flavored, sizzling, crazy energy, exhilarating….how we were like a savory sautéed dish! And how we allowed ourselves to eventually morph into boiled cabbage.

I don’t want boiled cabbage. Not on my stove ever and definitely not metaphorically.

It’s easy to get bogged down and find nothing but unsalted, boiled cabbage. The elders are correct then in my opinion. It is more work to create a tantalizing, gorgeous and enjoyable dish.