When to let go and when to delve in? Now I have heard long ago, from an adult that I trusted at the time that there is a ‘wrong’ way to fight. No spiked gloves, no flame throwing, oh and no name calling. She was huge on what she termed “Fair Fighting” and at 18 years old, I’d never heard of it before. She was also going through a divorce and I never heard her fight with her husband, although I lived in the same home.
I’ve abided by this rule, mainly. I can’t say 100% that I’ve been painted by honorable artists trying to capture the essence of Sainthood and Cheek Turning. I haven’t been. And I especially haven’t been in this particular relationship that I’m in now.
So it makes me wonder….but not in a Zeppelinish kind of way, why is that? Where has the long lost art of fair fighting gone? It seems to be extinct in this one fifth of the local zip code.
Is it the person I am with….or is it me? I enjoy a rather artistic palate so I’m going to have to merge the two and all infinite variations to believe that there are a multitude of reasons that lie within this specific dynamic.
Did I simply date Yes Men in the past? Did I finally meet Mr. Me in male form? Or is he really this super uptight about whether or not my daughter’s things are on the bathroom counter, while he has a tiny rotating collection in there as well?
I somehow used to think everything was perfect between us….and now when he opens his mouth, I hear Alien. I don’t get it. I don’t even get how he got there. I start to forget who I really am because I am hearing who he is telling me I am through the meaning he obtains from my words. And then I think, “huh”? What circle line did he cruise on to fish that one out of the water?
Personally, I do believe in fair fighting. I’ve just discovered that at other phases in my life, I was better at it. Or perhaps it is that I really do try…..and try….but then comes the parade of my words, in costume. I don’t recognize them when he tells them back to me. I get angry and frustrated that his tangient is going to start based on falsehoods and although I shouldn’t interrupt during his conch white knuckling, I do anyway. I can’t bear to let him streak down an uncharted path without reason. It’s as though my car needs oil and he brings me feed for an elephant that I don’t have, telling me it will ride better when it isn’t hungry.
Is dragging in a fight from a year ago constructive? During a ‘disagreement’, last year’s fight, which nearly has a one year BIRTHDAY, is dragged in. I happen to find this as unhelpful as smashing a headcheese pie in someone’s face, however, some people feel that it is certainly productive. For the record, again, I am not one of them. It’s as though you are prohibited to evolve, to learn from a past verbal fencing match. Isn’t that life? Don’t we build upon our newly acquired daily knowledge…even if it is merely about what is making the other person tick or become ticked off? Don’t we learn what and where the new roads should be created by the twists and turns of the information brought to light? Why dial back into the old stuff? I’ve forgotten it, why am I being forced to back pedal and re-learn it again?
So I will allow tomorrow, when I open my eyes, to start a new day, to say GOOD MORNING and mean it…to allow positivity to sink in. He can join me if he wants.
I’ve abided by this rule, mainly. I can’t say 100% that I’ve been painted by honorable artists trying to capture the essence of Sainthood and Cheek Turning. I haven’t been. And I especially haven’t been in this particular relationship that I’m in now.
So it makes me wonder….but not in a Zeppelinish kind of way, why is that? Where has the long lost art of fair fighting gone? It seems to be extinct in this one fifth of the local zip code.
Is it the person I am with….or is it me? I enjoy a rather artistic palate so I’m going to have to merge the two and all infinite variations to believe that there are a multitude of reasons that lie within this specific dynamic.
Did I simply date Yes Men in the past? Did I finally meet Mr. Me in male form? Or is he really this super uptight about whether or not my daughter’s things are on the bathroom counter, while he has a tiny rotating collection in there as well?
I somehow used to think everything was perfect between us….and now when he opens his mouth, I hear Alien. I don’t get it. I don’t even get how he got there. I start to forget who I really am because I am hearing who he is telling me I am through the meaning he obtains from my words. And then I think, “huh”? What circle line did he cruise on to fish that one out of the water?
Personally, I do believe in fair fighting. I’ve just discovered that at other phases in my life, I was better at it. Or perhaps it is that I really do try…..and try….but then comes the parade of my words, in costume. I don’t recognize them when he tells them back to me. I get angry and frustrated that his tangient is going to start based on falsehoods and although I shouldn’t interrupt during his conch white knuckling, I do anyway. I can’t bear to let him streak down an uncharted path without reason. It’s as though my car needs oil and he brings me feed for an elephant that I don’t have, telling me it will ride better when it isn’t hungry.
Is dragging in a fight from a year ago constructive? During a ‘disagreement’, last year’s fight, which nearly has a one year BIRTHDAY, is dragged in. I happen to find this as unhelpful as smashing a headcheese pie in someone’s face, however, some people feel that it is certainly productive. For the record, again, I am not one of them. It’s as though you are prohibited to evolve, to learn from a past verbal fencing match. Isn’t that life? Don’t we build upon our newly acquired daily knowledge…even if it is merely about what is making the other person tick or become ticked off? Don’t we learn what and where the new roads should be created by the twists and turns of the information brought to light? Why dial back into the old stuff? I’ve forgotten it, why am I being forced to back pedal and re-learn it again?
So I will allow tomorrow, when I open my eyes, to start a new day, to say GOOD MORNING and mean it…to allow positivity to sink in. He can join me if he wants.
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