Flo Destroys my Zone for a Moment

I know I'm not alone here in saying this. We've all gritted our teeth and spoken through the forced smile when you are aggravated. I'm a person who needs not to hear talking while other talking is happening. If the online radio show is on, you can bet that's when Humanling, who right after school said her day was 'ok, nothing special', has found 92 things to run past me regarding what I've missed.

I usually start with a forced smile (because Humanling and I both have a Virgo moon...I intuitively know how easily crushed our zest can get if we are cut off harshly and will hesitate to bring up the subject ever again. I try very hard not to De-Zest her) and then end up pointing and clicking the pause button on the radio show. It's the law. The harder I am trying to hear the show, the more words and syllables in the words and interactive conversation she needs. The louder she speaks and the more separated my left and right brains get, the more I feel like my head has turned into one of those beef posters with the white dotted lines and the labels. Some days I'm smart enough to hit Pause immediately instead of testing my patience for a few moments longer.

HL and I had a nice night for the most part. I had a weird dark feeling during the 2nd part of the day, which is highly unusual for me. I couldn't quite see the man behind the curtain so thought Christmas shopping would be a fabulous idea. And it was.

I love Christmas shopping. I love buying presents for people. My vocation should be to buy my friends and family gifts. Even people I barely know.

It is also just about time for Aunt Flo to burst through the door and unpack for a few days. I'm usually not the PMS type. Except for today.

Once we got home tonight around 10pm, I started to feel the pressure of throwing a capsule into water and growing an instant maid to help me out. I got us home too late. HL needs a full night's sleep, especially with her epilepsy. You don't do a person with this issue any favors by depriving them of rest. I also remembered that she hadn't eaten much and you also can't let their blood sugar get too low. Dishes were piled in the sink. My hot guinea pig's cage is a day or two overdue for a poopless makeover. I started to load the dishwasher right after I threw a millet roll into the toaster oven to give HL a quick snack and then medicate her.

Once I start loading the dishwasher, its important for me to follow through without interruption. The hands are all wet and I don't feel like aquanating things around the house by having to tend to quick things during a loading session.

I broke down and bought HL something she really really wanted. Feety pajamas. Only she never had them before in the absence of a diaper. So she really didn't know how they went on. I told her to try and deal with it as I kept loading the dishwasher, hands dripping, the foreboding feeling of knowing that I wouldn't finish without some incident. She couldn't figure it out. She made noises of frustration (I haven't found a time where I've actually enjoyed these sounds with her as of yet) and I warned her to stop or else I would take the pj's away. Azrael the Evil took this moment to tear through HL's legs, causing the loud irritating noise of frustration that I took to be pajama related.

I quickly pulled out my ugly mask and went to work. I slammed the frying pan into the sink, grabbed the pajamas with my soaking wet hands and tossed them into the pantry and told her to go take a break. (Hm....who REALLY needed the break?). She then tried to tell me she made the No No sound because of the cat. I felt bad. And I had a huge sudden and tender green bump on the side of my knuckle where most likely the frying pan kissed me. Feeling the pain of the Green, I realized that I had just walked out on stage and accepted my PMS award. I was a complete jerk and felt like a huge bully.

HL came back out and wanted to try her jammies again. This time I instructed her properly and she got it right. I feel horrible that I basically traumatized her first experience with the big kid Feeties. She was so excited about these things and I went and got a green bump over it all.

I have tomorrow to make it up to her. But I already know when I climb into bed, at some point she'll wrap her little arm around me and ask for a hug and will then let her hand fall into my hair, twisting it around her fingers (a lifelong comfort of hers).

Deep breath.....the constraints of time are all in my mind. The bags will get unloaded, the dishes are now done and its Friday. Yeeee-haw.