You Must Be This Tall To Ride, F**ker

Yes, another phone conversation with Cavey. For those not in the know, he is my Humanling's 'father'. It's in quotes because although we see the actor's name in the script, he's yet to show up for his role.

He called me at work today which he knows that I don't do numbers and anything other than "uh huh......uh huh..........yeah....." very well. I usually won't even answer the phone at my job simply because I don't want to hear about my accidental financial bendings a month later.

He started in with me about not driving all the way down the block to see him.

I started in with him about walking his 100 proof buttocks, "sprained" foot or not, to my place to show Humanling that he is making efforts to see her. {For the record, he hasn't spent time with her in months and he lives down the road. Nor does he thank me for keeping his non child support paying ass out of jail. In his favor, there is already a God - I do not guest star}.

At this point in the conversation he tries to turn things around on me and says that he tries to call all the time. And that "you f**kers don't call me back".

There is silence for a moment as the needle skips across the record.

"Did you just call us f**kers?" I asked.

"Us" means me, the 30 something Heroine that in all honesty, has had a dabble or two in f**kiness in my time. So I probably deserved it somewhere.

However, Humanling is nine. This is a revelation. I'd better move and get on the horn with Santa because clearly she has crossed over in the vile world of F**kers and deserves the Charlie Brown rock for Christmas this year. In fact, I checked her top drawer, where she keeps her jacks and High School Musical day by day calendar photo rip outs and found her F-Club Card.

I couldn't help but to start laughing. Hard. And not With but At him.

I heard the pause as his brain tried to rearrange the last thought and try to make sense of what he just said.

"Well not her. But yes, you." is all he managed.

Still laughing, I excused myself from the phone call and hung up without waiting for his salutations. I mean, with my new classification, I no longer have to, right?

F**ker is as F**ker does.