Humanling and I did a snow dance tonight.
It's December and its time for snow. It can all pack up and go away in January, but right now its a really nice layer of Happy on the season. Well, that and I can work from home if school is closed.
Oh what will I write about when my neighbor moves out? You know the guy - with the Trader Joe's Truffle Eyes. All of about 21 years old, if that. The guy with the "friends" who enjoy passtimes such as punching girls in the nose....or.....showing what category drunk they make (Hint: does not qualify for "Happy" drunk)....or....having to draw drama out of innocently standing by energies and yelling in the hallway at people that "Oh, YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME?"
There is so much energy on this planet for us to work with in such a magical way.
We can get punched noses in video games, on HBO, shit, on the Disney channel probably. Why must we waste beautiful energy manifesting this stuff? Other people at least get PAID for it.
Humanling stressed to me during the tirades that she really really wanted me to go over there and make it stop. And I felt strange. She was treating me like a dude. Like I could only hope that they were having a Shallow Hal moment when I barged over there, all 95 lbs and 2 apples taller than a standard 80s Smurf and thought they saw something very large and very enraged.
I realized that I'm pretty much all there is. So any issue in the house is my job technically. I'm good at rigging things and have rigged this situation for myself when I was younger...but couldn't rig it for her. I had to make it stop.
As I sat trying to ignore it (because confronting non humourous drunks is a hobby that I never took up), I kept feeling very sick every time the guy's voice raised. I couldn't relax.
I remembered. That's what it was. 3am and I'm six or seven. The yelling starts downstairs, the man's voice is raising, the woman's voice is raising. My head goes under the blankets and my stuffed animal, Henry is in my grip. Something smashes. Something else smashes. Woman is screaming now and my fingers go into my ears. I start to grind my teeth very loudly and quickly trying to white noise the inside of my head. It doesn't totally drown out the physical abuse that I can hear, or the woman screaming in pain - both physical and emotional.
Eventually there is silence....and I gage a long enough silence that I can slowly grip my Henry and tentatively move downstairs, toward where I can hear my mom crying.
The panoramic view shows everything busted up and all over the floors, the counter, outside. I would go stand in front of my mom and try to hug her, but not say anything. I never said anything. I would just start cleaning. Find the broom, pick up glass, glue things together. It might be 4am when I was done.
I realized tonight what I was reacting to as I heard them. Humanling played the role of me and I wanted to fix it for her and make it stop. She shouldn't have to be scared and hear all that. She shouldn't have to know this. I really knew this.
I finally walked out into the hall hoping that the drunk either didn't have a weapon, or if he did, couldn't tell which one of me to aim for. I stood looking at the door and Humanling stood behind me. I yelled to the door.
"Do you need some HELP in there?!"
Truffle Eyes came out, calm as a coma and apologized for his company's apparent lack of arena & bull. I told him that this has been going on all night, it needs to stop and the Ling is on her way to bed and is scared by the noise. She said to him herself, "It scares me."
I tried also to be empathetic and said that I don't want anyone dying over there. That if I think someone is getting hurt, I'm going to call 911 or that Humanling would, because she really would (and has in the past for farts & giggles with my only warning being the two cop cars that sharked into my driveway immediately after). He told me that its ok, that maybe it would be good if I called.
That's not what I want to do though. He's only here for one more month. But his company clearly is not finding their Happy Places....ever. It's like its taped onto the end of a telescope and they keep walking towards it but never take the lens away from their eye.
More yelling just now.....and my teeth have certifiably been noted by prior dentists that the grinding really did leave some evidence (grinding my teeth because a standard fight or flight escape for me from that time on but has ceased as an adult thankfully).
So I said this: {opens door}........{clean and swift SLAM!}.
I heard someone leave with a few kind words about a fat f**k and hopefully the curtain has closed on this childhood memoir for tonight. After all, I got weather to bribe.
