I deem blog writing productive. Therefore, it is not avoidance of aforementioned Google search so much as I'm doing this first.
It's a rockin Saturday night here at my digs. I'm sitting on an air mattress with poofy pillows and Diners, Drive Ins and Dives on the television. The air mattress is almost up against the cable box but fear not - the remote can get through when my channel bidding needs action.
I've spent days perusing through The Brokeass Gourmet cookbook looking for something to make before the author, Gabi Moskowitz, is on my show this week. I settled on a few things to get us through our week. More on that when it happens. My copy of the book at this point looks rather dog-eared.
So the last time I blogged and avoiding doing anything else like cleaning or researching, I wrote that FLIP and I were having a tension "thing" happening. I didn't hear from him that evening and figured it was just that whole 5th grade I'm Not Your Friend thing. I sent him a brief but nice enough email wishing him a good night of sleep.
Until he called in the wee hours of the morning. 3:30am. From his mother's. He was mad at me and decided to get at me by going out to a bar to get his drink on, alone, for about five hours. This is not normal behavior in this relationship. I'm certain that if I had done that I'd have the How Dare You police at my door reading me my list of offenses. Unfortunately he was having fun, being the smart guy at the bar (his words) and somehow blacked out, driving his car to an area that was not on his way home and crashing. He was arrested and the charges are for "aggravated intoxication". Hmmm. Bummer. Really. If that word "bummer" over there could be 19 feet under a graveyard and its inhabitants and on fire, that would be suitable. Font really does not do it justice.
He admitted at that time, as he was still drunk (and sort of denying it....but a slur is a slur is a slur) that he went in order to prove a point to me, to get a little revenge on me. Revenge because I am going to New York City on the 11th of June to see my friend and co-host of our show and her boyfriend. And he wasn't invited. Only it wasn't that I didn't invite him. It is on a weekday and my darling child is in school. We only have a few hours together so I thought maybe he'd be a charmer and watch the kid after school. He apparently did not ever get to hear this explanation because before he dashed out the door to Revoked Lisenceville, he interrupted me with anger whenever I tried to tell him why. So I gave up. I allowed him to continue on with his false narrative because he wasn't interested in hearing what i had to say. He's like that. He enjoys talking at people as much as possible. But don't ask him to listen. Unless he's trying to make an impression by listening. Because in a romantic relationship, he's advanced bad at it. Therefore, he ran out on the string of a narrative that was foreknown only to him - and the aim was to "make me feel as he felt".
Now I don't know about any of you readers, but that to me is a shade of revenge. Of disrespect. It certainly doesn't come from a loving response. Not the love that I know of. So this is what we are dealing with.
I was nice for the first few days, although with my warning sticker to please not thank me for being so understanding because I'm sure that I'm going to have my moments. Blacked Out? Don't remember parts of the night? Accused me in the past of having issues with being in public with alcohol because I was one time nice to an older gentlemen while my partner was right there? Mmmmkay. This is not trustworthy behavior to me. And yet he is angry with me because I see it as an intentional hurt.
Manipulation on eleven.
There is more to the story at this point but I don't feel like really diving in too far. There are AA meetings on the roster now before court starts for him. Four times a week. Our whole dynamic has changed and yessiree Bob, I am peeved a boundary outside of a Little Mad that this whole thing was avoidable if he had just heard me out and not tried to get revenge on me.
Trust. Trust is for Children. (What's up Pat Benatar!)
On another note, cheers to being a mom! The things that makes it all worth it from just today: A thank you for buying and making her a Hot Pocket (we are usually on a whole foods regimen with room for this stuff once in a great while), the fact that she was just dying to make me an apron for Mother's Day, only there was no one to help her gather the material or make it (but I told her that she can make this at anytime, not just mother's day and it would be awesome) and the last request before bed, as most nights...that I take my hair down and stay next to her so that she can play with it as she falls asleep (she says that my hair calms her).
Whatever is left of this relationship with FLIP may not hit the scoreboards in the Olympics, but the joy of mammahood sure makes me cherish the decision to be one. And also to relish this bourbon.
{photo:Mr. Kory's arts and Stuff}
