Autumn Breeze

The sky is gray, arm in arm with the cool but mild breeze today. The end of September is blossoming into the infancy of autumn, gentle and sensual. Slow. Affectionate, like a lover with no time constraints.

I realize that everything I love to surround myself with is in my life. Rows of strong, silent but powerful trees. A garden that nourishes us. Happy animals. A large yard and then some. The best damn coffee I've ever had right down the road. Opportunities for Humanling to be a kid. A mate who is everything I could possibly want - we share so much, we exchange stories, favorite shows, ideas, future dreams. We strive for the health that will take us together into spider veins, shuffling feet and long walks with hands entwined. He strives to help me parent Humanling, for us to make a home together (currently we are in a structure with a small floor path in between boxes of my stuff and some of his dusty and stagnant things). We agree that we are a unit so that Humanling sees us as such and not as Mom and her boyfriend.

He brings home flowers often. He shows me the joy of a good wine. And an even better scotch.

Humanling now sits down to a family dinner more often than not. A severe difference from the single mommy style of me putting food in front of her and me running back into the kitchen to prepare the next day's lunches or start the dishes. We have slowed down in that respect, and sit together as a family. Something she and I have not had much experience with.

We went to Humanling's Open House at her school last night. The arrangement was such that we were to follow her schedule and sit in each classroom (7 of them) to hear each teacher's mission and ask questions, time permitting.

I'd look at him, sitting there at these middle school desks, me next to him. In the Science Lab, we were side by side and it reminded me of when we met in middle school ourselves. Only we didn't have any classes together. This time I could look over at him, how handsome he is, and my heart would explode every time he looked over at me and smiled. Or gently took my hand under the table. He asked questions in some rooms, showing care for Humanling's schooling and to help understand what our roles are in helping to shape her educational world. (Turns out, we are nearly to be full time academic teachers!)

How different it was, this time around, being in middle school with him. As kids we'd meet up in the hall only to skip class. A lot. Now we are being responsible parents, sharing sweet memories of our own middle school experience.

He wants to be the male guardian that Humanling has never had. And the best one at that. Knowing his Aries tendencies, he is not even going to have to try. He just will be.

I am freeze framing this moment so that I can always know how good life is. I work from home at least two days a week regularly. My office schedule is well timed, as is Humanling's school arrangements. He is beyond funny and intelligent. His wit leaves me breathless. Just a few of my favorite things.

I sit at night by the fireplace, cozied up on the loveseat with the man of my dreams, the first boy I ever shared a kiss filled with desire, more than a mere peck but a surge of our hormonal experimentation together. He has on his news shows, I might watch, moreso listen to what he comments on it, share a thought or two and have a book in my hand, while also being connected to him. We have a slow drink, or not. We fall asleep until one of us wakes up and leads the other to bed. This is what love feels like to me. Wanting only to expand on the goodness and open heartedness of what is already there.